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I lived in secrecy for so long. I literally never told anyone one word about what was happening in my life for over 16 years. I felt so alone, isolated, foolish, angry, sad and all the emotions that go with this situation. Then, when the last event happened I knew I couldn’t live like that anymore. And I have to say that given how SA has been so in the news lately and with everything you can imagine (and not ever imagine) being accessible on the internet it took a while to find this site. But when I did find it…well I just felt like I had stumbled into the open arms of a waiting friend. Caring, no judgement, wisdom and, sometimes tough love. And always acceptance. That is the beauty of this site for me. Sometimes there is bluntness and it might be hard to hear it, but honestly after living with lies and deflection and minimizing that have left me bewildered, confused and doubting my sanity, bluntness can be refreshing. This place, the women here, have done so much for me. Some things might be said out of frustration because we are frustrated. Who wouldn’t be? But I think it is a frustration born of concern and hope for a better, happier existence for all of us.
Thanks
EllenI know what you mean, Ellen. Back in the fall of 2009 my life was blown to bits and I was desperately online trying to find resources and help and there was just so much crap to wade through….and then MTASA tumbled out of my search engine and I couldn’t believe it. I had finally found people talking about my experience, asking my questions, sharing insights, challenging the prevailing winds of 12 steps and patrick Carnes, and making hilarious jokes along the way. I simply do not know what would have become of me without this lifeline—I think a slow decline in deep depression at the least.
Frustrated. Overwhelmed. Deeply Moved. Furious. Delighted. Supported. Accepted. Dazzled. Surprised. Challenged. Enlightened. etc.I like SOS because when I was feeling overwhelmed and desperately looking for help, I couldn’t handle co-whatever groups, and their rules about cross-talk and the proper way to share. I just wanted to find help and not figure out the “proper” way to share. I don’t want to trash the cosa, s-anon, and other groups. It just wasn’t for me. The first time I called a COSA phone-in meeting, I was so overwhelmed by the procedure and ritual, I hung up crying. I just wanted someone to relate to. JoAnn has given us this place. You are all my bright lights in this darkness.
xoxo Julie (ZG) 🙂
I like SOS because you can make a mistake and be forgiven. You can change your mind every five minutes and it’s ok. You can meet your best friend here. You can come home here. Prodigal Daughter or not…. You are welcome back home. And, sometimes it’s good to step away.
Thank you JoAnn and all the sisters for everything you have done for me in my life! Your love has been life saving and priceless…..a gift I can never repay.
Tears of gratitude fill my eyes, that pretty much sums it up.
Ellen, Diane, Julie and SL, your words are beautiful and your spirits are kind.
SOS is helping me pick up the pieces of my shattered soul.
Cindy
I like sos because of the unconditional love. I have enough conditional love in my life. Some how I “attracted” it.
So if you feel needy and embarrassed to admit how f*ed up your life is, I can only guess that you are battling the same war inside as me, therefore you get the unconditional “pass”.
And if I confess to you what a bee hive I am living in and you truly feel sympathy and want to help me, know that I cherish your advice, please do not hold back, I love the strong voices, but don’t be angry if I tell you tomorrow that I have had a change of heart and I am going to give it another try.
For if there was an obvious solution to all this, we would not be here. Its the most complicated puzzle I have ever solved, the pieces keep moving.And If you have already made the “jump” and your life is really starting to take a happy shape, know that I am feeling proud of you, understand that if you tell me tomorrow your ex is back in the picture, I am still going to love you.
Remember it’s unconditional.
And now I am going to add my take on the Joann ordeal.
HOORAY!!!! You rock joann, it’s your retirement and you are following through with your dreams! You are really doing it! And this sex addiction thing is not controlling what YOU do!!! A start on your next, anticipated chapter! I am proud, and encouraged by you! If the sa thing comes to the front burner again, you can toss him out here, there, anywhere. and if that happens, trust that we will be here for you.
There is no reason for you to hold back on your happiness. And that goes for the rest of us! We all need to find a way to get there.now I am going to go get ripped apart by that therapist, blah.
hugs
heidiHeidi,
Thinking of you. Hugs to you. Let us know how it goes at the therapist. Be strong dear freind, to protect your inner spirit and to be open to possible new awareness.
We are here for you and looking forward to what you have to share.
{{{{{}}}}}}Cindy
Julie, I felt the same way at the only COSA meeting I went to about a month after discovery. Completely disoriented and confused as to what the actual point was. I guess maybe it’s helpful for some women who are far along into this whole process, but I really don’t see how it can help women in the throes of initial trauma and shock. xoxo
I like SOS because I know I am not alone. Actually I may be addicted to this website! 🙂 I could do worse things…
Seriously, I am ever so grateful that I found the former site quickly after my H”s disclosure. I was searching high and low for answers, for help, and to know that I was not alone, that many other women had the same problem with an SAH, and struggled my same struggles, well enough said. When family can’t understand and therpists fail, SOS really is my life raft. love to all
i like sos and mtsa because it helped me when conventional therapy and literature written as of that date offered no help for me. It never felt right. MTSA and SOS are the first time i had found the real logical thoughts that i had been thinking, but was not written down anywhere i could find in lieterature or from a therapist. I think we continue to seek untiwl we find what is right for us. and that is the same with our relationships.
Floraalso add coda and cosa…they had all failed me. Did not feel right, i had done them all, and gone to weekly therapy.
I did the cosa thing for a bit. I found the whole thing terribly upsetting. Some of those women have been going for 8-10 years!! I sat in the chair in shock because of all the shit i was going though and all I could think was “am I going to be doing this in 10 years and still crying about the same stuff”. very depressing.
One COSA meeting was one too many for me. It seems like a cult mentality.
I like SOS for the obvious reasons… the compassion, understanding, wisdom and warmth.
I also like that it keeps me grounded. My H could easily create a fantasy world again and lure me in. The stories here help me to keep it real.
S-Anon and CODA–ugh! Horrible. Everyone sitting around, whining about how sick THEY are, keeping the focus OFF the SA when that is EXACTLY what you want to talk about–the SA! Miserable Stepford SA Wives, following the SA’s therapist’s instructions, groomed to toe the line. And yes, 15 years later, still there and just as miserable–resigned, defeated. That was my experience with it.
March, at the one meeting I went to it did seem that most of the women there had been going for years. Yet it didn’t seem that there was a lot of rapport or warmth among them. It didn’t feel real somehow. When it was my turn to talk, I said I wasn’t ready yet to talk, but thanked them for sharing. And they all said together, ‘You’re welcome. Keep coming back!’ in a unified chorus that creeped me out. Does anyone know who actually founded this whole COSA thing?
HI Anniem
I don’t know who started COSA. But my bets are on, it was founded by
a. A Man
b. An addictI mean who better to ask? ugh
I like SOS because we all share the experience with a sex addict one way or another. I like the understanding I feel and to know I’m not alone. I like that we are all in different places yet are able to help each other, even in some small way. Without SOS I’m sure my life would be much different than it is now. I would be wandering the streets in a daze going “what the hell just happened!”
Love, Nap
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