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My SA has an out of town meeting next Weds. which means that he has to leave Tues. night and spend the night in a hotel in order to be there for the meeting that starts at 8 a.m. This will be the first time that he will be gone on business since the last D-day and I still don’t trust him. I mean, he’s made great improvement, and I’m real happy with his progress. I’d like to think he wouldn’t do anything to screw all that up, but you just never know. I wish I didn’t have to worry like this. I know I’ll be wondering where he is and what he’s doing. The town he is going to is one of the many towns where he used to act out. I guess all I can do is stay busy so I don’t think about it and say my prayers! Thanks for listening. CB
Hi cbs,
I think the worry part is a real response to the situation. I would wonder too. It sounds like your husband is committed to his recovery and really the only thing you can do is try to trust as best you can. I think keeping busy is a good idea and will help you not become consumed. Thinking of you!
Love, NapPS. How far away is the meeting?
Hi cb,
I recently went through this too. My husband has been doing well but I found myself unable to fully release my anxiety about him being away from home overnight. We sat down and came up with a plan on how he could alleviate my anxiety and what would work best for me while he was gone. It meant some extra work on his part, but, he did it and while nothing is 100%, it did relieve most of my concerns.
I also stayed busy, went out to lunch AND dinner to places that I love and treated myself to some R&R. Sending you hugs!
SS
Nap, the meeting is a 5 hour drive one way.
SS, if you don’t mind me asking, what kind of plan did you come up with to help you with your fears? Maybe that’s something I could implement.
Thanks for your hugs and your love you guys.
CBI don’t mind you asking at all – please don’t laugh 😉
I’m seven months from DDay so I’m still pretty raw at times. Trigger city sometimes too, so to keep me from creating some wacky scenario that didn’t exist he text me as he and the other guy drove. He let me know when they stopped to get gas, or just to let me know what he was eating. Then he threw in an extra text from time to time for good measure to let me know he was thinking of me (those helped A LOT).
He called once he got to the hotel room and then left a VM when he went to bed because his meeting ran past my bedtime.
We have Iphones and the one feature that helped was the finder. He was in DC so he text me and said “Hey, find me, I’m passing the White House” and so it was more of a game instead of being about him being gone? It’s hard to explain, but, it put my mind at ease, even though I know full well he could have someone right next to him or back at the room (even though this isn’t his MO at all) but you know what I mean.
He did everything he could think of on his own and he was willing to sit down with me and listen to my fears and took them seriously while he was gone. It made that night so much easier than what I thought it would be. I anticipated a night of insomnia, instead, I slept like a rock!! I hope that you do too!!!!
CB,
It seems only natural that you would have some anxiety about this first out of town meeting after all you have been through. Get online with the sisters during that time for a little extra support. You’ve been quite lately…are you just busy with your animals?
SS – I think that was a great show of empathy on your H’s part and I don’t think it is a bit hokey or an over-reaction on your part.
Love, Debora
Hi cb,
I totally understand your anxiety. My H does the same things for me, we have check points and it relieves my anxiety, but it still can’t erase what has gone before. He is so accommodating in the same way…calling at check points, reassuring me in every way he can, but at the same time, every check point holds a memory/trigger for me and it is hard to get past that without having a total/major earthquake.I have to trust my gut every time, and my instincts are usually correct, for the good, or not so good…but it is ooooohhhhh so difficult.
Take care of yourself cb, and if you can put him out of your mind and create a better memory of these days while he’s gone with things you cherish and that can’t be superseded with his hellish world.
Love and hugs,
ms-lindyLyndy, what a great idea…for cb to put him out of her mind and creat a better memory of these days…I really am going to try to do that myself when needed. My husband used to act out in a couple of cities out of town. He would actually drive to and from within the course of a workday (just a little over an hour one way). So sometimes it’s hard for me not to constantly want to check in and disrupt every moment of the work day. An overnight is especially tough, though. Maybe rent a movie you’ve been dying to see? Have a girlfriend sleepover (mini slumber party, lol!) I’d come if I could!! And last but not least, check in to SOS, and you know some of us will be here for you!!
I read somewhere that it’s perfectly acceptable to implement a boundary of no out-of-town business travel. I don’t know how realistic that really is, though. And I almost feel like, for me, if I have to implement that boundary, then I’m done.
For sure, don’t be afraid to ask him to check in several times, and to be sure to pick up if you feel anxious and need a quick check in call at 3am. I think that’s a small price to pay!
Love and hugs…I’m here with ya..ZGYou guys are the greatest. Thanks so much for all your support and kind words. I dodged a bullet on this one, though. I just got an email from my SA that says his boss will not let him go to the meeting out of town! It’s because the project SA is currently working on is behind schedule so the boss man will not let him off the project till it’s done! YAY!!!
Alright cbslife so happy to hear. Celebrate with one of those donkey hugs you always tell us about 🙂
Love, NapThe funny thing is that he is so PISSED at his boss and I’m (on the outside) saying “that’s too bad” and on the inside there’s a huge happy dance going on! I feel like I won! Don’t know what I won, but I won! My donkeys will automatically sense my good mood, and yes, NAP, they will get and give long loving donkey hugs. 🙂
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