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So, hello sisters… Its been a very long time since I’ve had a chance to get on here and check in…
Update re: the situation with my daughter, she’s back living with her dad in Orlando… turns out she lied about the whole thing.. lied about me (saying I abused her… which I would never in a million years do) and no we have nothing to do with each other. So that sucks… but in light of the situation in my house, it is for the best that she is not here.
My h is curently in jail! On Jan. 14th, (the day before our 4 year wedding anniversary) I discovered evidence that he had a profile on a dating website… and found proof that he was signed up for and paid for a teen porn site. Well, that was enough for me (I discovered in the past months that he was not at all doing well in “recovery”.. but of course is a very slick talker and kept me staying over and over again)…. that and the fact that I have been being seen at the Mayo Clinic since early December for my health issues… and even have a hysterectomy coming up on Feb. 13th (it was scheduled for tomorrow, but I have to attend an injunction hearing instead now so I had to reschedule it).
Anyway…. I told him what I had found and that as soon as I heard back from my lawyer (whom I had left a message with earlier in the day) I would be filing for divorce and that he needed to vacate the residence… one thing led to another and I found him on the floor of our bedroom with a loaded gun in his hands. I am sure he had it to use on himself… and tho I don’t want him in this marriage anymore… I certainly didn’t want him commiting suicide either… so I pleaded with him to put the gun down, physicaly tried to take the gun from him once, then went to call 911 to have him Baker Acted. He told me in a very matter of fact, threatening manner not to call 911. So, I called my mom and told her what was going on. She said to get the kids out of the house (now 2 years and 1 year old) and that she was calling the police. So, I went to the kids’ room, got my daughter out of her crib then was going to get my son out of his… and there was my h… in the doorway, gun still in hand. And while he was not holding the gun “on” us, he would not let us leave. He kept trying to get me to put my daughter down so “we could talk”… I told him repeately to let us out of the room and house so I could get the kids some where safe since he clearly was not in his right mind. And that I would not talk to him while he was holding a gun, and pointed out that he was standing in our kids room…. with a freaking gun in his hand! Eventually he walked out of the room to put the gun down and I grabbed my son and bolted out of the house and into the car. He followed me out but with out the gun. Then he decided (finally) that the kids and I should not have to leave, that he would leave. He packed a bag, got in his truck and drove away (our house was already surrounded by cops with guns drawn) so they pulled him over relatively quickly and took him to jail. He has been there ever since. At his initial hearing the judge decided to remand him and set no bond, as well as issue a no contact order so he couldn’t call me. I have also filed a restraining order.. which, as I said earlier I have a hearing on this Friday (tho the judge did already grant a temp restraining order). Do I think he needs to be in prison, no… I truly do not believe he intended to use the gun on any of us that day…. but the bottom line is, he made a choice to pick up the gun, he made a choice to follow me into the kids’ room with the gun, he made a choice to not allow us to leave…. he made a choice to continue the porn use, allow it to escalate and sign up for a dating site as well (btw… he made plans on Jan. 13th to meet up with someone… the only thing that stopped him was jail)!!! I believe he needs a mental health facility or inpatient rehab facility…. but…. HE MADE THE CHOICES!!! My job now… is to do whatever it takes to protect my children and myself and I will do that… even if it means he has to stay in prison.
So, there you go…. I have already beeen making alot of changes to the house to make it my own… I’ve been getting whatever assistance I can find to help with the bills and my support system of friends and family has been amazing!
Sorry it took me so long to get back on here. I’ve missed all of you, your wisdom, humor and even bluntness!
Love,
NataleThere isn’t a lot of pleasure in being right about awful things.
I’m so sorry things happened this way. You’ve had a dreadful time. Thanks for reaching out again. I hope we can support you through whatever comes next.
big hug,
Diane.Natale,
You did a great job being calm and protecting your children. I am so glad you have support and a restraining order. I really hope he has to stay in jail, so that you can feel safe.
Lynn
Wow! What a story! I feel terrible that you and your kids were subjected to that scary, horrible situation. I am glad you are safe and thanks for checking in with us.
This is just ANOTHER reminder to all the sister’s… These guys are seriously off their rockers!! I am speechless.
Be safe and take care!!
Natale – oh my goodness. That must have been terrifying.
You are a very brave woman for keeping a clear head and getting your children out of there. You absolutely handled it right and there is no second-guessing in this situation. It’s black and white – he had a gun out in the presence of your kids. End of story. I’m so glad you’re safe.
Dear Lord Natale…. I’m speechless.
No one wanted to be “right” about something like this. I am so glad you and the babies are safe. We are here for you and I will say a big Prayer for you.
Stay safe and keep us posted. We are all pulling for you.
Dear God,
Thank God you and your children are alright. These guys are completely loony, apparently. 🙁 Karen xx
You are to be commended for having such a cool head during that ordeal and escaping the minute you got a chance.
Family violence is the most dangerous situation to be in due to the “passion” involved. And I’m talking emotional strain when I use that word.
Threats with guns are never to be taken lightly. You did well in understanding that.
I thank God he protected you and your babies.
Wow, NataleH. What a horrific situation, which you navigated with such grace and wisdom. You are a fierce mama bear! I’m so glad you and your babies are all right. please take care of yourself and let us know how we can help. xo
Natale,
We would have loved to have been wrong, or even not so right? What a horrifying experience. Sounds like you handled it really well. I can’t even imagine. As if your life wasn’t surreal enough, my goodness, you must feel like you are in some awful movie or something. Take good care of yourself. I hope you have support there. Talk to a Women’s Crisis Center. Such a traumatic event.
Thinking of you and wishing you the best,
TeriGod Natele!! I wondered about your daughter. The teen years are sometimes so hard.
Thank God you did so well in that horrible situation! I am sorry for the multiple tragedies in your life. You have had a lot of bad stuff to deal with plus the exhausting joy of two babies.
Keep posting now. You are truly a Super Hero SOS Mom!!
Love, Debora
Thank you all! It is interesting how many of you commented about my having a clear, cool head in the situation…. that had not occured to me…. One of my good friends just told me yesterday that she is so incredibly impressed by me and proud of me for how I have handled everything since that night. I have not gone into some deep depression, curling up in a ball, crying my eyes out and unable to care for my kids…. I have just kept going (in tremendous physical pain too). My kids are still very well taken care of, my house is still clean (tho my AC is going nuts and will only blow heat out…. I live in FL and have MS which makes me very intolerant to heat… but thank God for the gorgeous weather we have been having so I have had some time to find some help with that situation). I’ve been redecorating, de-Matt-ing the house (as everyone around here calls it), and alot of the decore I have been adding has very inspirational words on it… so I have positive affirmations all over my house.
The strangest thing that is happening in all of this is…. my H worked from home and was pretty hands on with the kids… but since he went to jail… almost three weeks ago, neither one of my kids have asked for him, looked for him, said Daddy…. nothing! I cannot figure that one out. But I do have the police set to give me advance notice when they will be escorting him to the house to gather his belongings, so that I can make sure the kids are not here. They do not need to see him for those 15 minutes only to see him leave again.
I have been working with the women’s center here, getting help with the restraining order, getting help with the domestic violence/trauma counseling, and they paid my mortgage for Feb. I have absolutely no idea how I am going to manage in the months ahead until I get my tax return and until I can beging receiving child support. I am, after all disabled, so I cannot work to earn money…. and Im sure alot of you know… disability income is a joke… and is not enough to support a house with two kids. I have to try to get the car dealership to let me trade in my car (that I LOVE… I’m very, very sad about this… but I cannot afford the payment on my own) and to get his name off of my car. Is that even possible?
I have joined a wonderful church and have been attending for 4 weeks this coming Sunday… they have been amazing and helpful… but I am still at a loss for the whole finance situation!Oh sweetheart, I’m shaking after just *reading* your story. Thank God you and the kids made it out of that house alive. I’ll be sending you strength for the tough days ahead, Natale. If you become frightened or overwhelmed, remember the Army of Sisters surrounding you…that should help you to Keep Calm And Carry On. Love, Liza
Dear Natale,
What a horrible situation for you! You handled it well, now just keep heading in the same direction to keep yourself and your children safe. All of our prayers are with you. Hope you feel the support!
~BonnieOnce again I am going to emphatically state that if you own guns then LOCK them up. I have a small gun safe that opens with my fingerprint. It has a key that is well hidden. You have a right to own a gun. You do not have a right to leave them around crazy people ( SA’s).
I am so glad you turned out safe Natale……let that be a lesson for anyone with guns…..
I know many of the husbands would have a cow if you took their guns but tough shit. I took them and that’s the end of it.
amen on the guns. sisters, PLEASE lock them up or get rid of them… i have a typically canadian attitude about guns, i believe we shouldn’t even own them. but bev is right, it is easy enough to lock them up. protect yourself. protect your children.
natale, i’m so glad you and your children weren’t physically hurt. i’m sorry for the trauma this has caused you. i’m happy you are getting trauma counselling. you WERE amazing in the crisis, and you are conducting yourself so well afterward, gathering support around you. i’m so so sorry.
sending you my love.
There is only one gun left in this house… mine… all of his were taken by the police. We have a gun safe.. two actually and they are very well locked up. He no longer has a key, only I do… and if he were to come back in the house (which will not happen anytime soon, if at all) I will not be keeping my gun either. The plus side… because of this he will never be allowed to own a gun again. The down side… he is military and his career is shot. His only hope now is to get a PTSD diagnosis to preserve his benefits (which means our health insurance as well).. and to not get a dishonorable discharge. Sad too… he was only 3 years short of retiring and getting all the perks that go along with it.
Right now, he is calling everyone he can (my mom, his mom, my friends) and begging them to convince me to drop the charges! NOT GONNA HAPPEN… besides, the State is the one filing charges.. I couldn’t even drop them if I wanted to… but I don’t want to so no problem there. Tomorrow is probably gonna be rough… Haven’t seen him in almost three weeks and the first time I do he’s gonna be in jail clothes and chains. Pray for me that I still keep the courage to press on and push for the permanent restraining order. Thanks sisters!
Love,
NataleStay very strong Natale. This is serious. He was WAY out of line. NOBODY takes a gun in a room with my child. I am a good ole southern gal and I know guns and I am not afraid of them but I am very afraid of them in the hands of an unstable person. This could have ended so much worse. You were lucky once. Don’t push it …..
Beyond that…what the Hell is it with you Americans and guns?? I am with Lisa and totally cannot relate to the entire country “packing”. 😉
Natale I am new to the sisters so I don’t know your full story but the most recents events are really horrible. Terribly disturbing. I’m with Karen I don’t understand the American and guns things but my son’s partners who is an American from Boston does try to explain it to me. I believe many Americans shoot animals to eat them. I have no doubt your husband will regret losing you. Take care. xox
Catherine, I think some Americans shoot animals to eat. I live in Texas, and no one I know hunts for food. We live in a very safe subdivision in a very safe, affluent suburb far away from any real crime. But lots of my neighbors have guns. So it’s not safety, it’s not hunting. I’m not really sure what it is. I don’t get it either.
I’ve lost family and friends killed with guns. One a young girl shot when kids got hold of a gun. A good friends’ dad committed suicide after he lost his job. Someone I knew in high school shot herself in the head. Another kid in high school got shot by a drunken class mate. My cousins’ dog was shot multiple times by neighbor and the kids (including me) were all there to see Kimbo covered in blood. My cousin was arrested for shooting an elk out of season (he lives in Washington). My uncle used to shoot the baby barn cats because there were too many of them (rather than getting the mamas spayed). My best friend from high school’s brother committed suicide last year. Another classmate shot himself in the head about 5 years back. My sister-in-law was held up the mall by a guy with an machine gun. Another friends’ mother was held hostage by a man who broke into her house. He took her out the front door with a gun held to her head. The SWAT team took him out.
I’m not really a fan of guns. Too often they are used for nothing good. I’m glad you took your H seriously, Natale. And I’m glad you and your babies got out safe. Stay strong and don’t back down. And be careful.
It is in our Constitution. It is our second amendment right.The cities in America with the worst gun violence has the tightest gun control laws. They don’t work. You cannot take guns out of the hands of criminals. Yes, people hunt and eat animals. My father owns a part of leased land from the government and MUST kill a certain amount of deer per season or they starve and become sick and diseased. The meat is processed and most of it donated to food banks.
If you break into my house then I will shoot you. like I said…I was raised with guns and have the utmost respect and knowledge and skill with them.
They MUST be locked safely away from nutty people and children. Although, my kids can both shoot very well in a safe area and know gun safety ( it’s a class). I still would never leave the ones I own unlocked.
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