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You’ve decided to write a book about your life, an autobiography. It’s going to be a true and accurate account of your life.
What percent of the book would be about your SA h and SA?
Wow, right now? Not much…I mean, my past is super interesting and SA is so new. I’m 42 and SA has been a part of my life for 5 years and I’ve been “aware” of it for less than a year. So, I’m with Lexie…less than one percent. Although, I will say it’s anything but boring 😉
I’ve had the misfortune of knowing him since I was 11, so I guess in my case it would be a large proportion. Just wish I could get the stupid man and everything he did/is doing out of my head. Saw a great sign the other day. I would have bought it and hung it up in the house if it wasn’t for the kids. It said ‘Better to have loved and lost than spend the rest of your life with a psycho’!!!!!
Hi BB,
I LOVE that! 🙂 Thank God, my kids are big and would not bat an eye if I hung it on the lawn. Though they may NOT feel as strongly as I do about how low he is…..they FULLY support me to feel what I feel. Hugs, karenHi Nap,
To answer your question…7 1/2 yrs of my life would encompass a HUGE amount of SA, and him. VERY good question because if most of us are honest, “HIM and his issues” are taking up WAY TOO MUCH TIME and space. On the other hand….the loss is so deep, the confusion so profound, the grief so all encompassing and the anger so “white hot” and persistant….maybe the amount of time we take to process it (as Flora said), is EXACTLY the amount of time it takes? I have MANY days now when I feel like “I am so done with this crap”, ONLY to find myself sucked down into the quagmire yet again. SIGH. On a rational note…I don’t think ANY man is worth this much effort, to either work with OR walk away from…. 🙁
Hi Karen,
BINGO!!! Your answer is exactly why I wrote the forum question, we give away too much of our lives to them and for what? Pain and miserery!
love, napI agree. Sometimes, when I sit back and I look at all of the machinations that we go through do…
boundary agreements (whatever the fuck that is. my boundary agreement happened on 8.21.1988 on the shores of Lake Michigan– very lovely wedding) 🙁
therapy (with an ADDICT??? no G-D way!!!)
rehab (If you’re rich and dumb—TOTAL waste of time.please book me the executive suite on the QE2 round the world cruise with a hot cabana boy— much better use of 60k)
lie detector tests (yawn… how about a night at the Four Seasons, instead?)
E-blaster monitoring (so that you can eat a hole in your stomach… sorry, JoAnn and all who use it. but to me its nothing short of masochism)
nannie-net (comes with a self-changing diaper/condom)
All of this to avoid:
stalking emails from his “exes” (maybe) fuck buddies
RELAPSE(S) (but honey, it was JUST porn— geeezzz can’t a guy have any fun?)
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not if I’m not!!!
POVERTY (but I CAN’T get a better paying job. Someone ELSE will have to suffer. YES MY SOON TO BE EX SOB-SA SAID THIS, NOT TOO LONG AGO!)
BETRAYAL
ILLNESS— 80% of all men have HPV. Which category do you think your SEX ADDICT is in! and yes, I’m sure that you can get HPV from “looking” at “porn.” (especially if the “porn” is about 98 degrees Fahrenheit and has a pulse)
I don’t need to go on… I could, but no…
dump them.
they are losers. and the worst are the ones who are PRETENDING to recover. I don’t know… I know that i’m making some enemies with all of you lovelies who have so-called “recovering” men… but once a man has lied to me. (unless its for a surprise trip to Bermuda or the Amalfi Coast)
He is TOAST!!!
Even if I have to live on oatmeal and peanut butter and live in someone’s basement. I don’t care.
At least I can hold my head up.
can you tell that i’m an especially, nasty vindictive, hateful bitch tonight???
but i’m moving into the light (even if its a laser beam) 🙁
Lexie-I just read your’e other post. No you are not a hateful bitch. You have every right to feel that way. Glad you are moving into the light. I am the same way-once I am lied to, I can’t ever trust again.
I can see you still have your sense of humor though. Love it.My h’s lies started in our engagement from about Christmas of 1988. We married in 1989 and have been married for over 22 years. It would be a large part of my autobiography.
Dear Nap,
No DOUBT dear girl! And pain and misery is EXACTLY what you get? I would NEVER have thought that ANYTHING could hurt like this does….it is unbelievable how it hijacks your life? I have a theory about that though…when random bad things happen to us…we may fight against it for awhile, but then we accept that Life is cruel and often not fair? We accept illness,disease,death,disappointments, accidents,wars,recessions, BUT somehow when we face the challenges of LIFE, we just do not expect that the one we choose to help us weather those storms, will turn out to have NO CONCERN for our welfare. We don’t expect that we will live with and trust someone for decades…and then one day when we sort of feel like our lives are more or less destined…we will find out we didn’t have a clue who they are? I mean who expects to end up sleeping next to a completely depraved psycho….a psycho, SO GOOD he fooled you, your kids, your family, ALL your friends?? THAT is where the obsession comes in….THAT is where we get stuck…. because though we are taught to expect that Life will NOT be fair…we are NOT taught that there are men who do what these men do? I sure as hell was not and I sincerely pray that this will be my first and last encounter with this sort of mind blowing bull shit. That being said….I get burnt once…I don’t give the pr**k another chance to strike a match on me. NOW….I just have to work out HOW BITTER,HOW GUARDED, HOW NOT LIKE ME…I am going to let this weak creature masquerading as a man cause me to be? Though I have worked alot of things out, I have not worked that one out …….I guess I still have alot of anger to get through yet? Karen
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