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Hello all,
Thanks for asking about me. I am still here. I have been trying to get my life back in order. I think of you all and hold you all close to my heart. So much to write about and I have not been able to find the strength. I am doing OK. I am divorced, still recovering. I hope to be able to send some more update sometime soon. Stay strong all of you, miss and love you!!Nap,
Sounds like a good day. It is nice to hear that after everything you have been through we can have a day that is inspirational.Thanks for sharing.
Love, CindyHello sisters,
I have been trying to collect myself. I think I have been blown to pieces and I am trying to pick up my shattered self. Thank you for thinking of me. My sister in law came to MN from MI to help me, so I have not been alone. I am still waiting to hear from my lawyer to understand exactly what the hell happened. He did indicate that it was finished and that no changes can take place. So what ever happened at that mediation is what is going to be. I do feel like I was blindsided. I will continue to work on the reality of it all and write about it. I want everyone to learn about what happened to me and perhaps be help for those that might find themselves in the same circumstance. So much to say, so much to write about, so much to do…….. First things first….find all the pieces of my heart and guts and sew them together….
Love you allAnne,
What you posted is so classic. I am sorry that you are enduring all of this pain. My H did the same exact thing. It is crazy making at it’s best. Your gut is telling you that what you are seeing from him is not a sincere recovery. Be strong for yourself and believe in what you need from him. Believe in what you need for yourself. Keep posting and telling us what your are experiencing. It helps to see your experience written down because when you are going through it, it seems all like a bad night mare. Your life is real, your feelings are real, this is real. Keep up the good work Anne,
Hugs, CindyLisacay,
For some reason years ago, the numbers 1111 kept appearing in my life. It was just odd, those numbers would pop up everywhere either all four together or just 11. Anything from the time to the amount of change I would get back. It started to get freaky so I told my daughter and her boyfriend about it. At first they didn’t believe me until, sure enough, when they were with me, in some kind of form, there would be the number 1111. I remember all three of us freaking out when it would happen again and again and again. I love to google all kinds of things and one day I googled “Why does the number 1111 keep showing up in my life?” To my surprise there was an actual answer to the question. I laughed as I read through the information. Evidently this happens to other people as well. So that is where I got all of my information. Some people see groupings of different numbers and depending on the grouping, they mean different things.So go google your numbers sisters, there is meaning in everything.
Who knew???
I went to look at Deborah’s site as well. REally, really nice!!!!I love the talent that the sisters have. I cried when I read about the “sister” charm necklace. SERIOUSLY? how sweet is that??? JoAnn, if your reading this. Maybe we could have a group for links to all the wonderful things the sisters have for sale. It could be anything from something as beautiful and established as Deborah’s to “trash to treasure” things. What do you think? It could be a “Sister Store”?
Love ya, Cindy
Lisacay,
Reading your post this morning gave me strength. You sound strong and well grounded. Your creative talent and music skills are working on giving my life a new melody. I think you brought a bit of the “Dutch” back with you. And you know what they say …..”Your not much if your not Dutch!!!!!”
Love ya,
CindyStacy,
Sounds like you have a lot going on. You seem grounded and I am happy for you with that. I am glad that you are seeing a more refreshing side to your H. That certainly helps.
Keep us posted and good luck with the mediation. My mediation is supposed to be this Thursday. I am very nervous about it.
Take care,
CindyHeidi,
Not only did mine not do as you indicated….
“….But he has never said: please don’t leave me, please don’t divorce me, Can we try again, I want to be married to you, I want to stay with you, please take me back, etc…..”
He just served me divorce papers. I still can’t get over that one. How does he do this crap and turn around and want a divorce from me?????
For now… My stbxh would say things like “I have done everything I can possibly do and it is not good enough” gag!!!!!
Karen said this on another post:
He is about to do a little switch-a-roo on you where the problem is NOT what he did, BUT the fact that you remain angry, untrusting, upset and emotional about what he did.That is exactly what my stbxh did. He had no other choice but to divorce me because I was so angry, untrusting, upset and emotional. He HAD to move on because he was not going to live the rest of his life with this hanging over his head.
Interesting how he feels like he gets to decide when I should move on. He gets to break my arm and decide when it should be better. If your arm is not better by next week, I am leaving you!!! Yes, I am the one who threw you down the stairs, but I am tired of being blamed. The longer your arm is without healing, the longer I have to deal with the fact that I pushed you down the stairs. I want to be done thinking about that so I will give it until next week.
EEEEEEWWWWWWWW AAAASSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Penny
Your clarity is so strong for just finding out as recent as July.Your story is painful to read and I am so sorry that you had to endure all of that.
The strength you show for yourself is wonderful and it brings me joy. I really like how you have outlined your needs and how you envision what would need to happen for your marriage.
Please keep us posted.
Hugs, Cindy
Such a painful time that you are in. I am so sorry. My STBXH used sex in a similar pattern that yours does. It was not constant frequency, but it took place for many years throughout our marriage. I do not know if there is a definition or guidelines to indicate the number of times it happened as a tool to determine sex addiction. For me, it is more of the mind set.
In other words, how is he responding to the fact that his secret is out. Is he remorseful, is he caring and gentle with the pain you are experiencing as a result of this discovery? Does he have more pity and sorrow for himself or is he actually affected by the pain your are feeling?
It takes time to sort all of your feelings out. Yes, there is anger. Is he letting you be angry? Does he understand your anger or is he angry that your “still” angry?
Believe in yourself. Believe that you have intense emotions and that it is OK and normal. Don’t let him try to make you believe that your being dramatic.
He is lying, you know it in your heart. I know that you feel like you need concrete proof, but you don’t. Trust your gut. Believe in what your needs are right now. Give yourself time to over come the shock. It takes a long, long time.
We are here for you.
You are strong. You are looking out for yourself and trusting your gut. Welcome and try to find some peace here with the sisters. I can imagine how bad your are feeling right now. We all understand.
hugs, CindyJoann,
Thanks for looking out for these kinds of things. My hackles are up with this. I know that with my PTSD I am quick to not trust, so I have to be mindful of that. But this is an odd name. Would someone be that strange to make up a name like that and try to get on to our site? I say yes, they would. I have seen stranger things, unfortunately.WOW!! That sounds like a great meeting. I am happy for you. It must feel so good to have the validation like that with your H sitting right there. I know your still hurting and I am wishing the best for you. Thank you for taking the time to write about your experience. Please keep us posted on what happens next.
: )I am suffering from inappropriate laughter, something must of hit too close to home. “I was disposed of like Friday’s trash”
Is that a Country Song title? If not… lets write a song.
Love ya Nappy!
Hello Anne,
I just read your story and I am so sorry for everything that you have been through. Your story is very familiar and it just hurts me to know that you and others have had to endure this type of crazy. I wish only the best for you as you regroup and find some peace of mind here with the sisters.
Hugs, Cindy
So sorry disenchanted,
Welcome and hope that you can find some comfort here with the sisters.
Hugs, Cindy
The hooks are frequent and daunting. One bad hook I have is when my mind goes back to wondering what we had for 28 years? Was I really fooling myself? Was it real? Do I know what love is? Did he ever love me? What IS his problem? Who is he? Who am I? Am I ugly? Was I used? Was I a front? Am I stupid? So when he was looking at all of those woman through out the years and I was jealous,(and beat myself up for being insecure), there really was something else going on?
Oh yea, I can get hooked and spin, spin, spin, spin…….
I am dizzy!!!!
Janet,
I am so mad at your SA right now. I am so sorry that he is treating you this way. I feel your pain and want to scream. I had much of the same behavior in my situation so your experience resonates with me. They just do not get it!!!! Also that business that all of a sudden he wants to fix your car so that he knows that it is running ok. GAG!!! I remember that line. Where are my boots!!!!!!!The shit is getting to high!!!!I am so sorry you are going through this horrible discovery. I understand where you are and how hard it is to first, “prove” what you feel so strongly in your gut and second, deal with counselors that do not understand what is really going on.
I know you will feel support here on the site and guidance from some very wise sisters.Welcome,
CindyThat is a sobering message. So sorry to our sister. I just went through another round of testing today. We shall see what the results are. It is a humiliating experience to ask for all of these STD tests as a 52 year old woman, but we must be proactive.
Like our sister said, “You never know!”
hugs, Cindy
Yes, another good article.
I have a weird question. I think my husband was passive aggressive for sure. I wonder if I was passive aggressive as well? I think I was at times. Did I learn this from him? Or do I have these issues as well. It just makes me nervous. And than I wonder if I am just looking for ways to blame myself still.
AAARRRGGHH
Do any of you do this?