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Artemis, this is exactly where I am hung up! Thanks for posting and bringing up this topic…running to work, but pondering today and plan to post my struggle/observations.
I am so proud of you for mustering up the courage and strength to take action! You are doing the right thing and once you get away from the tornado that is your life right now, it will all be clearer and less foggy. I am and have been praying for you!
Someone said something helpful the other day….remember, you didn’t leave him, he left you (by his vile actions) a while ago. Just puts it in perspective a little when I start feeling guilty for setting protective boundaries.
Anne, I am a new sister too and I know, it is hard. Sorry you are struggling tonight, but I have learned that it is healthy to cry and go through the grieving. I cried straight for 3 months at the first of the year….Not that it is easier now, but my head is clearer (esp as I too have been able to be apart from him). I am praying that you can realize your truth in this confusion and that your clarity will lead you to just do the next right thing. I think it helps to vent here in this safe place. One minute at a time! Hope you sleep well tonight dear sister and that tomorrow will be brighter.
Dawnelaine, I am new here too and agree how incredible it is to have the support of sisters who get it and speak real truth….Hoping you, as well as I, remain in a clear place and make wise decisions through all this.
Ditto! My H treated me like a queen 90% of the time…..long walks and sailing on the lake, coffee in bed in the mornings, backrubs whenever I needed one, “I love you’s” numerous times a day, roses often, great coaching and playing with the kids (just unfortunately, emotionally remained a kid), 3 week trip to France in June, 5 star hotels, fine dinners, etc…I actually enjoyed being around him when I agreed 100% with his ideas and let him be fully in charge of everything (especially what we thought and felt)…the King! If I ever had a different opinion that made him look weak and then he would turn. Just as soon as I would “catch on” to the game and manipulation, he would turn into Mr. nice guy again. Crazy-making stuff!!!!! Realizing now that emotional abuse was way more damaging to me than the porn….all so, sad!!! could have been really good, but he screwed that up!
Sisters, I know with everything in me, I would have gone right back in the swamp without your help and clarity to continue to walk this truth journey!! I woke up so thankful for each of your tough and loving words here! Don’t stop…. for me and for the other precious souls who have this weight dumped on their lives! We are valuable and worth so much in our God’s eyes and thank you for reminding me so beautifully of this!
Thanks Lisa. I think you are right. I know things will get testy soon, so I am holding on to and celebrating my peace as I can in this moment. I am afraid rough ride ahead! One day at a time!
I think that is what kept me spinning all these years! Anyone that knows my husband would say he is a caring, loving, and even giving husband and dad. I finally had to reconcile that if someone is good to me 90% of the time, but downright EVIL 10% of the time…that isn’t good and loving! The scales in my mind, just finally tipped in my favor and the light came on. I guess that is the personality disorder screaming to get out when he can’t hold it down any longer. ?
Thanks for the warning…I have actually canceled my home TV and just using internet because of triggering.
Trish, your words above are so powerful and healing and clarifying for me! Your strength (even though you might not fully feel it) is such an encouragement to me!
Daisy, I love your advice for Trish’s son….”The reality is, he left you” Thanks!haha..guess I need to watch that to see “true death”! I still do experience the triggers you mention Teri and his emails too are CRAZY! but at least I see it now rather than being so sucked into the swamp of words that aren’t on paper. I know that having the huge ocean between us does help my healing and “safety” and for that i am thankful. SOT, when you mention the stages of grieving, I have cycled through that MANY times—major anger and tears, but for the last at least 8 months, I am just calm and resting. Hoping it lasts but expecting when I see him it will hit me at some level again.
It really helps to hear all your stories and seasons of this mess and realize i am not alone!Love, love, love Clemson! Hope she goes 🙂 Our youngest went there and although I went to Medical University of SC in Charleston, I am from Clemson and did 2 summer schools there! Bev, have fun at your football party! A woman after my own heart! 🙂
Honestly it isn’t that I don’t think I still may/could love him, but i don’t trust him and even more, don’t trust my reality and my emotions around him. i wonder when/if that changes with these guys?
Daisy, did your husband ever turn into a Monster once the reality sunk in? that is what I am fearful of.
Daisy,I think you pinned very accurately what I am feeling. I went to Divorce Care meeting with a friend at her church and everyone was going around the room about all the pain they were in and I felt like a odd-ball and like I just didn’t fit….made me question my reality again. Yuck! but trying to be honest with my real feelings. I am sure when/if true separation/divorce papers are filed, H will turn into the Monster he is, but for now, no sex/sleeping together and apart just feels soooooo peaceful and safe….AHHHHH 🙂
Be gentle with yourself SOT. This is difficult stuff to wrap your head around. I am convinced that I couldn’t have been ready until now to make this move and I have to accept that the fallout from my inaction will be part of my own and my kid’s growth and journey. This is character-building stuff. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but it is what we all got, so we have to just let it do it’s work to some way make us stronger and more whole women in the end! Trying to be positive today 🙂
SOT, you are so sweet to offer! I am just using my credit card for essentials right now and making it until I get my paycheck. My oldest son has offered to help me too but I think that I want to prove to myself right now that I don’t need anyone at this point. Part of my weird journey of getting back to trusting God and my own strength. I have read your posts and I continue to pray for clarity and strength for you. This is tough and it is a totally different journey for each of us….no judgement 🙂 praying though, that you can grow in trusting what you know to be true and right for you. It was really great to have lunch with you and I hope to do it again when I am in Jax.
Agreed! Karen, and all, please, please, please don’t apologize for speaking hard truth! I need it and it takes being shocked and jarred enough to turn this crazy mind-train around to going the right direction and not off the freaking cliff!!!!!
Dumb, Deceptive, Depressed, in Denial, or just Demonic? All of the above, but my new word is DELIVERANCE!!!!
