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kim they are just stupid, you know in your gut. if hes anything like mine they just give them self up and think we are the stupid ones, for buying their own bull shit. the bottom line is what. time to do what you need to do nothing more or nothing less
much love kattwelcome karyn sorry your in this hell. you are in the right place, please read and post. the ladies here are great and i know first hand what a gift joann has given us. looking forward to getting to know you
he left and i just was in shock god what had i done. this man acted like a father to my kids for 7 years. in every way he was their father. hell my daughter wrote a letter to the courts how her own father was of no value to her litter brother but my partner was his only father. she talked how she was happy to finally have a father to give her away when she got married. this bastard used all of us. well he left and i wanted to die, i failed my daughter, what kind of mother was i. so i walked up my hill to the cell phone tower i was going to jump. i couldnt see living another day, the one thing i did right in my life he took from me. i promised myself no one would ever do to my kids what my father did to me and i brought him into my home. i allowed my kids to love him, me alone i did this. so i climbed about 15 feet and couldnt do it,could you believe it i fucking have a fear of heights. i was going to kill myself and that fear took hold. you see when i was around 5/6 my father found me playing on the roof of the apt.building. he held me over the edge by my ankles and let one leg go. i thought he had let me fall. any way i climbed down and sat there and cried……..
diane sorry for what you lost, yet you still get to wake up and know you did the best with what you had. i often think how bad my first marriage was and it was. yet i get to live with knowing my children had the best of me and as they get older i see and hear its me they always remember being there for them. i watch my daughter with her daughter and know with out a doubt i did right by my kids. these are the times i can say no matter what happened then it was all worth it. also please know you have helped me more than i could put into words.
much love kattwhen i opened his lunchbox i saw a photo envelope odd i thought must be work pictures. i put them on the counter and got his coffee mug out,put it in the sink. then i went and pick up the pictures, i looked at the info on them it was his name and dated may 8. im thinking he never said anything about them,so i open and look. i cant cry i can think of anything but killing him. first i want the gun, no i cant do that the kids will hear it. i go to get the biggest knife in the block, no if it dont kill him the kids will know. then my 21 year old son will finish it off and go to jail. i stand there and im shaking and cant move i want to see him dead oh my god my how could i have let this happen. he had pictures of my daughter half naked. i go up stairs and tell him get out, he says they are not his. i tell him get out, he wants to finish fixing the bathroom. i tell him get out, or i will KILL HIM, i hit him and say NOW…….
in the new home things were ok, i would find porn or a magazine hidden. bought the bs of its someone elses, its old shit i had. both of my daughters have moved here. not into my house but close by. one down the street the other in collage 40 mins away. she comes for weekends. he found a job with the road dept. really the first job since moving here that was when it all went to hell. as far as the house goes its more of a afterthought kind-of like me. well you know the feeling when its just not right it was just different. our sex life went from the best ever to shit. he was a changed man, not for the better. then one night in july 2010 i went to get his stuff out of his lunch box and i died……………
well we moved i left my house, my friends, my family and my 2 daughter behind. they wanted to finish school one was 18 and the other 16. my best friend their other mother kept them. i dont know how i drove 8 hours crying like i was. we spent the first winter with no heat or water but looking back that was the happiest i ever was in this house. we took this house down to studs all 16 rooms. we were a team and what we could do, i have been told so many times this house should be in a magazine. for the first 2 years we worked until we passed out. over the next 3 it tapered down big time, i would never in a million years have guessed……..
i am so stuck not sure what is up or down. i know everything you say is so yet i go crazy trying to do it. i dont even think i can love him anymore.
well all this talk of getting high. i started the meds fri. joann one of them makes me feel like i did when i smoked pot. i take it at bed and i swear im still high at noon. dont like them but ill give it 2 weeks after that im done. i still have dream/nightmares but dont lay awake for hours after. my head is still full of shit yet i just dont care. like i was the week after the whore thing. 2 weeks ………….
why would they allow both men and women attend the same meeting. really due to the nature of sex addiction and the fact that addicts do not tell the truth it seems to me it would be counter productive to have both sexes attend the same meeting. the few paid clinics ive looked at online stress that the meeting are of one sex men or women. i would love to know why any 12 step program does this
i have told my partner i will not agree to him attending meeting with women. its men only meeting,
i dont care if he has to travel. there are many meeting online or phone. told him having meeting with both men and women is like a aa meeting in a open bar. i feel that these meeting are just setting him up to fail, hes does that on his own.hi anita sorry your in this boat but you have found a great bunch of ladies they will keep you from going down with the ship. looking forward to getting to know you
his maybe jail, mine sometimes i think is death. that line just keeps moving away. its like being swallowed into a black pit you just keep hoping you hit bottom but it never happens. sorry im in a bad place right now…….
so we decided to move to a new state to start out fresh
found a house that i paid for and started rebuilding a safe place to raise our blended family
my kids loved him as much as i did
the dream was becoming a reality i could see it each day
we had become a family the house was becoming home
then one day it all……..right fairy tales- i just forgot along the way that i am a princess and deserve to be treated like one. thats what i use to tell my daughters when they were little.
joann i have lived your life i could have fucking wrote this- does larry have a brother, long lost twin?????????
sl not the curb hes still working on my daughters house, with the cold weather he stays in my spare room. i am so stuck with everything i did start the meds i hope that helps me some
bev sorry many of us have found that nothing they say is the truth. as far as the addiction goes it does and will escalate many start with soft porn only to get worse and worse. i have a 15 year old son. once i found out about my partner i started to look in to internet porn and the statistics are just unbelievable. most kids have been exposed to porn online by the age of 11. this has nothing to do with the sa. so knowing this i have had many talks with my son and was surprised to learn just how much he hears and has seen. even at school he said for many years. funny until this whole thing i would never have had such in depth conversations with him. seems to me that the internet has changed so very much with the kids today, not just the net but tv, music, life over all.
kim i love this-
I don’t have a clue as to how “trust” will fit into our future but I knew there was no place for it without forgiveness first. I had to know WHAT I was forgiving before I could forgive him.
this is something that just goes around and around in my head.
i have told him in the past if i go out and do what ever could you just forgive me with out knowing what i did- his answer is no why would i do that.bev hi sorry about all this shit.as far as kids go they know so much more than we think. do they have access to the same computer as your husband. i know i found porn on our computer a number of times so i know my kids have too. the kids will pick up the tension between you and your husband my kids had no idea what was going on and my daughter had made comments about me having problems. since most sa like to put up the mr good guy image it was me who had the problem. now a big issue is this addiction will get worse over time, my partner as well as others have used girls that reach puberty and family friends to fantasize with. not to scare you or say your husband has done any of these things but as we all have learned anything can happen. after this last d-day i made him tell them. your kids are young but please think about some sort of discussion at their level of understanding. i have learned that secrets are the most destructive thing there is. and we all know that sex addition thrives on them. this just my opinion if you are seeing a councilor this would be a good topic to talk about them also.
much love katt
