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Thats incredible! Great job!! I could only hope to have your courage, you inspire me. Praying for every day to be better.!!
Thanks ladies!! Your comments really helped, its so nice to feel like I’m ok, I’m not crazy here. I am looking yet again for another T, by definition CSAT is Carnes. And there are a few on the edge.. they are very hard to find. What she said in therapy threw me into a wicked tailspin. I should have let it go, at least I vented here. And btw, we are working towards a full disclosure. T asked me, so are you going to divorce him. I asked why.. get this.. T says, well your H has done a lot of work, and it was very hard for him and if he gives you full disclosure and you leave that would be a HUGE betrayal!! Seriously!!!! Really, I know 2 wrongs don’t make a right but come on… we’re worried about him?? Called 2 different T when I got home.
I am still married. 9 months out from D day. He seems to be slowly going about the process and I do see signs of improvement. He still hasn’t fully disclosed. I was calling an old girlfriend the other day and decided to ask… did you do anything with her… I shouldn’t have. He actually said it was before we were married and you had a relationship with another guy… ok so sleeping with my friend makes it ok. He’s so immature. Anyway I never called her, the betrayal continues. I am in the process of changing my therapist again. This will be #3. They try and pigeon hole me into the co-dependent type. I read “Married to Mom” and found it spot on and loved it, it actually gave me a bit of compassion for him. I told my T this and she says… that was very co-dependent of you! WTF.. So now trying to “understand” where he may be coming from is co-dependent?? Maybe I’m way off her, maybe I am the problem? Also, he has never given a full disclosure, I pressured him and now he’s ready after he’s had time to practice. My T ask me, do you think you’ll divorce him? Im like what? What difference does that make, T says oh well this has been extremely hard and difficult for him to do so if you decided to leave after the disclosure it would be a huge Betrayal to him!! Honest to god that is what she said. OMG OMG OMG… I have been a spinning crazy wreck since I saw her.. glad I paid for that! So currently me and H share same house. He sleeps in a different room. I just blew up at him he’s away on business so we’ll see if he stays when I return. Sorry for rambling but I am on the fence as well.
OMG I have never heard that I’ll have to look it up…and I think I just pee’d myself laughging…. thank you ladies I needed that!!
I tried waiting it out, 6 months in the same room, then after being told he needs more time before full disclosure, I snapped! He is now in our guest room, kids don’t even notice, it’s only been one night. I took our family photos and smashed out his face and hung them all over the room… I’m totally wrecked. Some part of me knows what addiction can do, but seriously, they weren’t born addicted, right? At some point in their adult life they knew it was wrong, and did not get help, confide in the spouse, anyone! They are terrible sick and twisted. I have no real hope for recovery, even if he seems to be absorbing it, he has spent 45 years training his brain to think a certain way, nothing short of a lobotomy will help!! — I’m still on the fence for staying, I am financially comfortable here, I deserve to have that, my kids are here, they deserve to stay in there home, perhaps if I castrate or neuter him I could live long tern like this… hmmm
If you don’t do a disclosure how do you know what your H has been up too? I was thinking perhaps this would help and starting over, a clean slate. Or at least enough information to rake his ass over the coals in court… I didn’t think a polygraph worked? I think/thought they could lie through them so what would be the point in that? To me that is no way to establish trust… but I guess it would be a start. goc
Thanks for all your help. I know not to believe him, even when he discloses.. but that is all THEY want. H would love nothing more than me to accept and move on, so that in 6 months he can start again… I just feel it, he’s craving to get back out there…goc
Thanks for your replies, the world would be a much better place without men in it… ugh! I feel like spitting on him as he walks around the house moping.
