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Hi,
Thank you for all your support…I am very, very tired.
The tissue they took out of me went to pathology…the adhesions and inflammation were consistent with chlamydia….that had gone untreated. The adhesions wrapped around a cyst that wrapped around my fallopian tube causing a hemorrage, and causing the tube to die.FYI ** This is very important…you can have chlamydia in your fallopian tubes and test negative when they do a vaginal swab. Chlamydia can be carried by an asymptomatic parter, it can be carried by someone that tests negative for it. So if you feel at all wierd in there, get antibiotics.
I am going to retreat inside and pray…and be quiet.
Thank you for your support,
LilaHi,
Thank you so much for your support.
To answer some of your questions – He gave me herpes. Now because of the adhesions, the surgeon thought that I (at some point) had an untreated STD-most probably chlamydia. I don’t have any history of endometriosis, and I had extensive pelvic assessment when I was trying to have my kids, and I did not have adhesions at that point (they are 6 now). The surgeon said this type of issue affects 1/500000 women, it is rare, and STD’s/cancer are the most common causes. Given what he saw, he was leaning toward STD.
I live with SAH, but we are separate in the house. There is no intercourse. I touched his hand today to demonstrate something to the children….I don’t even do that anymore.SAH stopped having sex with hookers in late February of last year. He had had sex with 50-100 women. Plus seeing strippers, massage parlours, internet porn, and blowjobs.
I do feel like his actions fragmented me for a long time, and I feel very violated and hurt.
He didn’t get what the surgeon said, so I had to break it down for him. Then he said he was very sorry. But I never assume that he’s going to be conscious for very long.
And it’s true…I thought about suing, criminal punishment, the violation, the feelings of being raped and gaslighted. I think that I have not felt like a woman – a glowing and vibrant female- in a long time (I’m too tired!) and the fact that they had to cut out a part of my “womandom” was kind of a horrifying affirmation of everything that has happened here.
Thank you for listening to me….
Lila
Hi,
I am going to post a new topic here…I’ve been trying for days.I joined very recently…after waffling back and forth for some time. What finally did it was that I had emergency surgery on Jan 6. I was sore in the morning, by noon I was in pain. By one I was screaming. I went to the emerge, was given meds and by 9pm they were offering me the choice of surgery now, or try antibiotics and have surgery in the morning.
I had lower R sided pain that they thought was my appendix…but after a CT scan…it wasn’t my appendix, and they weren’t sure.
We were in a rural part of the province, this was the only part of the holidays that all 4 of us were together (me, 2 kids, and SAH). And there was no family around, so I was alone in the hospital.
The next morning they did an exploratory laparotomy. They took out my R fallopian tube…which was “as black as your hair” it had become necrotic, I had had a significant amount of bleeding that they had to clean up.
I am getting pathology back on Tuesday.
From what I’ve been told there were lots of adhesions, and things got tangled up. Apparently these adhesions come from STD’s that go undetected, that climb up the reproductive track and nest somewhere and cause havoc.
I have had a rough few weeks. I am upset, sad, angry, hopeless, hopeful, oblivious, silent, loud, crying…Well, you all know.
So I joined SOS…because I am tired of bottling it all up inside me. I am tired of talking to a man that isn’t home. I am just tired….
Of course, in addition to the other STD he gave me…something else would happen. Something else would go wrong with my body…and it would be in my reproductive system.
Thank you all for listening to me.
xxLila
Hi,
I’m inspired by my kids…how they are only little, and how they have spoken to me and shared their insight on their love for their parents. I am inspired by by Mum, she had a tough go with my Dad, and she has been hardened by that but she was always able to stand up for us. I am inspired by artists like Emily Carr, who was from western Canada (I am in Ontario). She lived on her own in the woods in a small cabin with chairs that were on ropes so they could be hooked to the ceiling and walls when they weren’t in use. More recently, I am inspired by your stories, your questions and your sharing….I appreciate not being alone.Lila
As a provider of care, it is pretty sketchy that she saw you while she was the hospital. Is she desperate for money? What kind of provider sees a client when they themselves are compromised?
And, as far as CSAT, it’s a few weekend workshops…and sometimes some shadowing, it’s not a huge commitment or a designation that would involve much depth of study.
Barb Steffens offered to teach a course to the CSAT people…they told her she had to get CSAT certified in order to teach a class to them.Money grab anyone?
Lila
There is a term for when the therapist inflicts even more trauma onto the spouse…I don’t remember it right now. But, is this psychologist safe for you? Should they be making your life better or harder?
I am so sorry that this happened to you.
I guess your psychologist thinks that when you get gonorrhea or AIDS it will that magic time when you will be able to ask some questions about what’s been going on in h’s life. WTF?
LilaAnd, I’d like to add, that if it was me, I would not do it, not for millions of dollars, not for nothing. Nada. Nope. No way. It is as NAP has said, apples to oranges…a horror show. Making us into a sideshow for the entertainment of the American public.
Lila
So, I read the link you posted JoAnn…and I don’t see how talking with the self described expert on sensual pleasure would have anything to do with a conscious, rational, safe (for you) discussion on sex addiction and it’s horrors. As a matter of fact, given that Jessica thought to call you to have the discussion would indicate that Jessica has no idea of the trauma, abuse, PTSD, fallout and horror that we all go through when our husbands compulsively engage in pornography / prostitution etc. There is quite a debate in the “sensual arts” community on whether people naming sex addiction as “sex addiction” are just prudish conservatives who have a problem with being liberal and exploring sensuality. That topic is also not related to what life is like for the spouse or child of a sex addict. The fact that the media doesn’t have a handle on that….and that they would put you in the line of fire (out of their own ignorance) is reprehensible. If there is one thing that I have learned from dealing with my husband, it is “never assume that the person you are talking to is conscious or sober”.
I know that I am new here and these are strong opinions….please bear with me 🙂
I have had lots of discussions with Barb Steffens on the mockery, hatred, hate mail, and general misogyny and disgust that she seems to engender when she speaks out on behalf of women like myself….in public, in areas that are a whole heckuva lot less like Gerry Springer that this seems to be.
So I guess, I just want to repeat myself…please be very careful.Lila
Be careful. Don’t get eaten up by the ratings machine.
How can it be serious debate if it is with a hooker??I think it’s insulting.
Lynng, you are very brave. I hope they stop dilly dallying and let you know what’s actually happening. Your situation is hard enough as it is without tv people making it harder. Thank you for what you have done, for all of us.
LilaWow. I am going to watch for that. I watch for all kinds of things, respiration rate, blood vessels in the neck, shallow breathing…I’ll add this…Thank you.
LilaHi,
I am sorry that this happened. I am working a lot on boundaries. With my spouse, and with my little kids (give an inch, they take a mile 🙂 I really hold true to the consequences of the violation of the boundary. Otherwise what’s the point of having one. If you agreed on a boundary and the consequences, and he violated the boundary, then it’s your turn to implement the consequence….which can be incredibly difficult.xxLila
Dear KMF,
I want to thank you for your post about the whole bloody SA treatment programme. I agree with everything you said. The treatment programme has been like a nightmare for me. I’ve been told never to bring up his addiction for fear of triggering his shame. I am no where in the picture when it comes to the treatment programme. It is a nightmare. It is so unbelievable. Thank you for what you said. I have been feeling crazy about this.Lila
Hi,
Thanks for the welcome….I just had pelvic surgery 2 days ago…so I’ll be posting more about myself when I’m a little more able.
It just brought up so much for me…that I had to find a place to talk, read, share……stop screaming…
LilaHere’s a few more:
“I didn’t want to bother you with sex…you were so sick” (while my kidneys were failing)
“I never actually went to see a hooker, well, I did go, but when I got there I lost my nerve, and just got a blowjob”
“WTF is wrong with you, it was just a f’ing blowjob”
“I love you”
