nataleh

This is my 3rd marriage. The 1st one was emotionally abusive (he still is… or tries to be anyway) and the 2nd one (my high school sweetheart) was physically abusive. I met my current husband on a social networking site… not a dating site cuz after my 2nd husband then a really bad long term ‘boyfriend’ and the MS diagnosis I was DONE with men! But we came into contact with each other thru a mutual friend and ‘the rest is history’. A year and 1 month after we were married (yes I remember the day and the date vividly… 2 days before Valentine’s Day) I discovered that he was using porn on a VERY regular basis. My world shattered! I told him I absoutely would not put up with it and he told me he would stop. It was about a week later when I ‘caught him’ using again and thru some talk, reasearch, etc it became evident that this was an addiction. Again he promised me he would stop. As long as he worked on overcoming his addiciton I would stand by him. Being a former cocaine addicted myself, how could I not? Well, one move into our 1st house that we own, 2 wonderful little angels, and 2 near suicide attempts (1 from each of us) later he, or I guess I should say we, are finally in recovery. We see the same therapist but not as a couple yet. He specializes in addiction (including porn/sex) and affair recovery. He told me to start going to Al-Anon (which I do) there aren’t any S-Anon groups in my area. He does say I am codependant and need to stop ‘living in his addiction’. He also just diagnosed me with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. While I do believe that I am a codependant person based on my life history I also believe that my thoughts/actions…etc are a result of the trauma that I have suffered for so many years and with my husband, over and over and over again. So, I knew I needed support that he and my Al-Anon friends just cannot offer me. I went online and found the Sisterhood! Thank God!!! So, here I am… desperate, wounded, suffering… and reaching out for a warm, caring, understanding hand….