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Working out had helped me and also melatonin is helpful if you sleep during the nights (aka have normal day shift work hours>>>it’s triggered by darkness). I found an anti anxiety and insomnia tea, which definitely calms and relaxes me. Make sure chamomile is in the tea if you go this route. Also GABA is a good natural anti-anxiety supplement. After reading these posts I now want a dog and to eat a cupcake haha!
Hey ladies sorry I have been MIA the past week! I have been working ridiculous amounts of hours and praise God I finally have a break!
Jos, definitely would love to talk to you more about the EMDR with your husband. I had tried that myself actually, but because of everything that had just happened and the place I was mentally it didn’t go too well for me. I would try it again because it definitely struck a cord, but probably when I am a little more stabilized with all of this! Anyhow, I am curious how your husband has been liking it and a man’s perspective on all of it I guess. I am at the point where I am hoping God gives me clarity, which ever direction that may be. I pray he spares my heart and helps my own recovery to fully heal from the trauma he caused me and me wanting to control everything. Right now I know I need to be patient and so that’s what I am trying to do. I really feel like God is my only truth right now, so I am relying on Him to show me some grace with all of this crap! Thank you for your kind words and support!
Bev—I can see where you and couple of others are coming from. I think I am a little bit in defense mode because of all of this. You know the high alert on edge feeling. I know everyone is saying it out of love and protection and I do appreciate that. This whole thing makes me feel like a crazy woman. I am at the point of needing and wanting to try things out. Whatever decision I make I want to make sure 100% I feel peace with God and I fully trust I will come to some decision, but don’t need to rush it. I found out in March and want to work on me before I decide anything. Anyhow, thanks for the support and love!
Debora–
The intensive with Doug Weiss was a really great, even though it was pretty painful. He took a polygraph test and we each got individual therapy and couples therapy everyday. For my individuals therapy I worked on my own present/past trauma and anger with my husband and other people. The polygraph was a good base to get some things completely out in the open and for me to know everything and bring truth to light. I think it was beneficial for my husband too. We both walked away having tools, resources, and a plan individually and together. Now my husband has no excuses for not doing what he knows he needs to do. He’s taken longer than what I would have liked to fully kick in with all of it, but he’s getting there. He relapsed recently with emails, but that finally got his ass in gear to set up counseling for himself. The most frustrating part is letting him do his journey of healing with all of this because I really would love to control it and fix him, which obviously isn’t helpful for anyone. During the intensive I set up a Plan B and in October, after my work contract is finished, I am going to evaluate if I need to leave him or not (which apparently can be really effective for the man to get his shit together if he really wants to stay with you) depending if he’s doing his Plan 100%. Right now I am just trying to be patient and I really do want to make things work, but it takes two to tango. I also have a plan where I have to do workbooks, have to find a group, therapy, praying…etc. So the focus is on me healing me and him healing him. Dr. Weiss also gave us marriage exercises and suggestions to do like having date night every week and this feelings exercise…which my husband is surprisingly good at and I am getting better at. This has been very beneficial for us as well. Anyhow, if you have anymore questions please don’t hesitate to ask!!!Lynng2 you nailed it on the head when you said I am just looking for a safe place to experience my journey. Thank you for being able to articulate that. Bev–I definitely have been trying to take care of myself, I even took some work off so I could just focus on getting healthy (eating, working out, counseling, sleeping at night…etc). I feel I am past the shock stage because my initial “catching him” was in March. I have never experienced a relapse before since all of this is so new so I am trying to wrap my head around all of it. It overwhelms me and now that I am working full time and working night shift it’s been hard to take care of myself (my body clock is crazy) . But lets be real if I want to have a Plan B I probably should work. I think there are a few of you that are misunderstanding me a little bit regards to the angry women thing. It is not only healthy, but part of the grieving process to be angry. If you don’t get angry you aren’t able to really get through the process to reach forgiveness to fully let go of the situation and give it up to God. I FULLY understand why ANYONE apart of this sisterhood would be furious..hence me saying “righteously angry” in my prior post. Joanne expressed that there were several complaints about the negativity of the sight and wanted ideas about things to improve. Maybe I misunderstood her asking, but I was just throwing ideas out to help, nothing more or less. I am not putting down the site, or what anyone is feeling. But like all of us are expressing, we ALL should be able to express what we are feeling. I pray that we all can get through our anger and sadness and hurt so we can be whole.
thank you for the welcome. I am here for support and to get through my own healing, which will hopefully lead to peace with God and myself. My husband recently got back from deployment and we are working at things. We went to Doug Weiss’s Sexual Addiction Marriage Intensive. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but I am here for support not for people to tell me if I need to divorce or stay with my husband. That is my journey alone to discover. I am pretty much at the point of trying to find my niches and what is going to work for my needs. My husband recently “relapsed” again and I am feeling really down. He has some major PTSD issues and thank God today he went to sign up for VA counseling. He’s sleeping in our guest bedroom right now. I feel alone. I know God is with me and I really do have a great support system, but my heart hurts really bad. I am 26 years old and between my past traumas and abuses and this shit i feel like i am 80yrs old and dying. I don’t mean to sound dramatic, but I literally feel like the life is draining out of me.
Joanne, I read earlier about your concern about the negative emails about the website. I noticed there are a lot of sections where there are some righteously angry, furious women. There does seem to be a divorce and your addict is never going to heal focus, which is keeping it real, but at the same time maybe make some sections for the women who aren’t at that place and still need support. I am all for expressing how you are feeling at the time, but maybe you should have a specific section where it’s anger free? Maybe have separate sections for stages of grief so women can relate and express what they are specifically feeling/experiencing with their SA? Also, having a section of trying to make my marriage work section or maybe a 12 steps section. I am just shooting ideas out….not sure if you already have some of these set up because I fully haven’t explored through the site, but I thought I would share.
Thank you again for the welcome and support!
