traxtex

I met my husband in June of 2011. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in December of 2011 and we dated all through the surgeries, chemo and radiation. He was supportive and genuinely seemed to care and we married in September of 2012.

It was a big adjustment for both of us. I had been a single mom for 14 years and he had just come out of a 27 year marriage in which his wife never worked. I attributed much of his behavior to that adjustment. Then, one day he came home from work and I saw a look I’d seen before with my ex-husband. It isn’t something I can really explain except to say that he seemed to be trying too hard to act normal. So I started looking around on his computer and found an e-mail account that he was hiding. It was full of messages from several dating sites that he had set up in January of this year. One of them was a polyamory site which was even more disturbing to me. His explanation was that he set them up to be vindictive because he had found a text message on my phone from a man I work with who had suggested that we get together. My husband claimed not to have seen the message I sent back saying that it would NEVER happen. We went to see a marriage counselor and things kind of rocked along ok for a couple of months.

He again started displaying suspicious behaviors so I put monitoring programs on his phone and computer. He opened an old e-mail in June and it showed up on one of the programs. It was a conversation from 2010 with a man whom he was obviously meeting with for oral sex. The e-mails were pretty graphic. Of course, he tried to explain that away as “a step up from masturbation”, his wife had just left. Blah blah blah. After checking his other e-mail accounts, I found a series from September of 2012. Two weeks before our wedding. I know you understand the crushing heartbreak that was. I left and he started seeing a psychologist. I also went to see her and I did come back to the marriage. It isn’t because I’m afraid I can’t make it on my own. It isn’t because I just can’t live without him. It’s because I made a vow before God. Our marriage may not survive but it won’t be for lack of trying. And it doesn’t make me a CO-ADDICT! Thank you!

He claims that he has made full disclosure although I don’t believe he has. He’s been doing this since he was in his early 20’s. He’s 53 now. Of course he says it’s not really a problem, that it isn’t something he can’t control. He’s had half a dozen sessions with the psychologist. She didn’t recommend that he keep coming so he thinks he’s “fixed.” I know I can’t let my guard down. My family is supportive of my decision to work on the marriage but I know they don’t need to hear all about this.