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Okay, I admit, I did not think of this on my own. It’s oprah. Anyway she has this new thing called.oprqhs life class, its online and on her own network. Bot.one question from the other day was what brings you joy?
My new cell phone after I figured of out brings me joy. I can SOS in bed. A great sweater on sale over the weekend beige me joy. I even got a compliment today.
Ah, the simple things in life that make us happy!
I enjoy getting a new purse every now and then. However, I only keep about 4 favorite purses on hand, if I get a new one, I donate one of my others.
Animals of any kind make me happy. Big, little, babies, it doesn’t matter, love them all.
Staying home makes me happy. Don’t really know when I became a “home body”, but I guess after all my years of moving from place to place, I’ve finally settled down. Now I want to stay put.
Great topic. Looking forward to reading others post.
Claire
Ah, the simple things in life that make us happy!
I enjoy getting a new purse every now and then. However, I only keep about 4 favorite purses on hand, if I get a new one, I donate one of my others.
Animals of any kind make me happy. Big, little, babies, it doesn’t matter, love them all.
Staying home makes me happy. Don’t really know when I became a “home body”, but I guess after all my years of moving from place to place, I’ve finally settled down. Now I want to stay put.
Great topic. Looking forward to reading others post.
Claire
Laughing brings me joy. I never feel better than when I’ve nearly peed my pants laughing. My best memories with my sons, my friends, my congregations, and yes, even my SA are memories of laughing until we didn’t make anymore noise—just gasped every 20 seconds.
My clergy friend and I went to see Jerry Seinfeld a few Fridays ago. I was nearly sick I laughed so hard. The next days I had sore muscles in my torso.My theory of creation is that we are the belly laugh of God.
And sometimes you dear ones make me laugh too. And it’s one of my favorite things about us. It’s usually kind of dark survivor humour, but you can really crack me up.
This summer I was visiting a friend and as she drove me to the airport to go home, I gave stand-up version of the events of our visit. She nearly had to pull the car over to the side of the road we got laughing so hard. What a great memory. Laughter holds friendships.
love and laughter,
Diane.sitting on the swing in my backyard watching the deer walk by. seeing daisy my pig get excited when i get home. seeing a rainbow out my window. wow a lot of things funny how i dont often think about it. thanks for this post flora
much love kattKatt,
I would love to hear about how excited Daisy gets! Does she smile, wiggle her tail, turn in circles? How cute!
xoxo ClaireThis is an excellent post adorable Florable. I remember thinking when I found out my husband was NOT who I thought he was for so long….NOTHING will ever be the same again. Despite the terrible premonition that my happy,safe life was over…I really didn’t grasp how joyless my life would become as a result of it? We have all mentioned the changes that NONE of us wanted. I used to enjoy a pretty young girl flouncing by…you know…the enjoyment you get from looking at a young, attarctive person enjoying their youth, beauty and vitality for life? My gut clenches when I see a pretty, young Asian woman. I cannot help it. I feel anxious when I see happy couples of ANY age. I feel disconnected from God and though my children still make me happy, I am conscious of the fact that my family is fractured. I find myself unable to take pleasure in life and it has been going on a LONG time. It is like I am unsure what my life should be anymore? I think I loved being married and that is funny because I was not in a hurry to get married and I always had “my own thing” going on. I guess I always just assumed that when I was older and other parts of my life were changing or slowing down…I would be married and happy…because I was for a long time. I am fully aware that I need additional help and that I am not really doing that well at all. I know it because I am not experiencing JOY in my life and I know I should. I like these topics that address US…our feelings, our plans, our issues, our hopes? They are useful and good for us. Karen x
Hi Karen,
Well the only way to change is to start taking baby steps. Start little and then worker up. Make cetain time for you, and certain time for disaster. Schedule it. Go for a walk, go to the mall, watch your favorite movie. In time it will come back, and maybe that you is not really as far gone as you thought. My h stomped on all my hopes and dreams, matter of fact he never had any and when i did and told him; he always stomped on them. He never let me dream together as a couple. but i still dreamed on my own, although less. But a joy can be as simple as painting a room, cleaning the house (i love it when my house is first clean, unf. does not last long!!), making a good dinner. In time contant negative will go away, but it will take effort to fill your life with the good you used to know.You may want to start a gratitude journal and there is also the simple abundance companion. Its a workbook to go with her book simple abundance. I bought it, but have not used it yet, but did get it out at the library a while back and it looks good.
Beleive me. None of us got here overnight. Love, Flora
karen i think joy happens in those moments when anything breaks that thought process. like that first sip of coffee in the morning. that second when its all you feel or taste. its that little break. hope that makes some sense. when i first read this post my first though was what you wrote trust me most of my life is what you feel. but through this war i know i find a moment or two to see or feel life. i must or i would not keep going.
cb when i get home sometimes she will start grunting, whining sounds like crying. ive had people ask if my granddaughter is crying and its just daisy. funny she must mimic sounds cuz she can bark too. she will also push me til i rub her belly and she flops to her side for a belly rub. she will follow me around at times for hours making sure i dont leave again. daisy does not like to be alone, shes afraid of everything the dark, cats, a moved chair, a knock on the door, storms. she does this deep breathing thing and has hyperventilated at times almost passing out.
much love kattKatt,
Oh my gosh, I wish I could meet your pig. My animal-lover-daughter and I would just LOVE her!!
And Karen, I feel like I wrote your post. Wow, I can SO relate. I’m trying to take steps to see the joy in little things, and I’m going to take note of what the other sisters said. But sometimes lately, I’m just so blah and unmotivated. The world seems gray. So I went to my doctor today to see if I need a change in my antidepressant. I don’t know if that’s the answer. I mean, with the way our world has been turned inside out, there’s no magic pill for sure. So anyways, she’s upping my dosage a bit. I’m going to try it and see what happens. I’ll share the results in a few weeks once it’s had time to make a difference. Ugh, I hate meds, and changing/adjusting scares me, so I’m trying to be brave about it.
In the meantime, what gives me joy: my dance classes (ballet, jazz, and zumba), running, reading (when I make time–so I have to do more of that), and cracking up with my 2 teenagers (so I have to remember to do more of that, and not stress so much about them.) My 2 cats give me joy. Any of you sisters: if you don’t have a pet, I can’t say how much they help. Unconditional cuteness and love. Even a beta fish can do the trick, and there’s nothing easier to care for. Ok, thank you Flora! I have a smile on my face as I remember my “favorite things”, like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music. 🙂xoxo Julie
Love the Izzy Bella name, NAP! I too love my kitty, Yurman. He’s a little affectionate, totally attentive man-kitty who thinks he’s a dog. My fav’s are my little granddaughter Madison (15mo), who lives in Wyoming and whom I can only Skype with but is coming home next week for Auntie’s (my middle daughter) wedding on Nov 12…and my new little grandson Hayden (3mo) whom I can see about once a week cause he’s only about ten minutes away. Next fav is my daughters…totally fun, wise, funny and amazing women! Okay I should prob put all these in their proper order, but if I had to, they would all be #1 on my list of joys. I feel so blessed when I list these few things. Thanks for starting this thought, Flora, I needed it. Right now I’m smiling and feeling contented.
Peace, LWell, while we’re on the subject of pussies… I guess everyone knows about my pussy, too–
Peaches— the wonder kitty!!! who BTW, is better than ever! Sometimes, I just look at him and start crying when I realize just how close we came to losing him… and he’s still here… and not only that…
in my darkest hours… he knows… he just fucking knows…
and he shamelessly throws himself on top of me… straight into my lap like a puddle of warm gooey pudding, covered with fur… and he melts straight into me— purring LOUDLY, and then he starts errrrmmm…
licking…
my hand. 😉
the perfect gentleman, he is…
actually, he’s the perfect man. independent, but when he wants me, he fucking wants me, and nothing and no one is going to stop him from going after what he wants…
the woman he loves and cherishes more than any other woman on the face of the earth. (no performance anxiety whatsoever. he’s just pure love.)
we plan to be married as soon as possible.
😉
Lexie and all,
you made me laugh this morning, first thing. So a little joy already today!Dear Karen, Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ve had the whole SA nightmare plus a critically ill son having major surgery, major moves around the world, and trying to figure out what to do with the asshole. You’ve been managing huge stuff, and it’s hard to turn that off.
It’s been over two years now, but I didn’t have as much as you did. My kids were away from home at school and healthy. My move was from the NW city to the SW city. My job stayed the same. I had life long friends to carry me on really bad days. I had a wonderful therapist for over a year. Really, honey, I was lucky compared to you. But I can’t remember if you have a good therapist now for yourself. And I’m wondering if that’s one of the pieces of the puzzle to recovering yourself. Also, I once posted how I made a photo album of pictures of myself from my life when I was happy and more innocent of such hardships and heartache. I looked at the album every day, and slowly slowly slowly, I began to see her come back in the mirror. You haven’t lost yourself, either, Karen. She’s just been locked up somewhere, so that she didn’t get hurt anymore. But she’s still there, and she can see the joy in life. She can find the beauty. And maybe it’s her turn again.I love you all so very very much. Lexie, love, can I do the wedding?
Diane.
Dear Diane,
Thank you for the lovely post. 🙂 You are ABSOLUTELY correct. I think the missing piece of the puzzel for me is a GOOD THERAPIST. I have known that for awhile. I have tried to see the lady in Singapore but I just have not been over there as much as I thought I would.The phone just isn’t the same. I am REALLY dubious about finding the right person here in Halifax. My best friend is in St John NB (yes incredibly she found out in March that her husband was a porn addict) and she went to see a psychologist at my urging, when he took off and left her stranded in a new province, in a new job and in the middle of buying a new house! This silly woman was ready to cut her loose after 2 sessions. Kept saying she was fine, despite my friend telling her that she was successful in all areas fo her life EXCEPT her taste in men. She was little help at all. My friend is like the rest of us…TRAUMATIZED. She is currently separated from her husband and in a support group through the Healing Womens Network. It is helping her but….in terms of therapy,she doesn’t have anyone else yet?? I am hesitant and unsure about finding someone who can actually do me some good. The other fact is I am unsettled as to where I am going to live and am currently with my parents. Good Grief. 🙂 And you are right….my son’s health is a huge worry also. I don’t know how I will carry both of us. Despite all this…I think I am beginning to formulate a plan of care for myself. I know some of the goals I need to move towards for my physical and mental health. I am considering anti depressants among other things. I need to have my yearly check up, stop living on carbs, exercise and find a home in some country and also find someone to talk to.It is just a matter of getting the motivation to get going when some days it is hard to just get out of bed. Boy…that asshole (as u so eloquently put it) 🙂 really pulled me away from myself and my dreams. Or I let myself be pulled perhaps ? karen xx
Why wouldn’t your son’s father not pay for his health care? And he owes you child support/alimony, right?
I don’t think that you let yourself be pulled. I don’t think any of us did. I think our marriages are like the Titanic barreling along at 30 knots (or whatever) when all of a sudden— ICEBERG!!! Its impossible to just stop suddenly, change course– its physically IMPOSSIBLE, but that doesn’t change the fact that its headed for disaster.
I know… we all get down on ourselves for being whatever we are, that we wish that we weren’t. And it all seems so simple when we tell SOMEONE ELSE.
leave.
walk out the door.
don’t come back.
but, of course, its not that easy.
If I didn’t have my work, I’d be in bed too…
I think that you’re an amazing woman, Karen. I’m proud to know you, even in the virtual sense and to call you my friend. You are not alone.
((((hugs)))) and love,
L
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