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Hi ladies,
Just wanted to let you know, I’m off to work today for the first time in seven years (well “out of the home” work, if you get my drift.) I almost didn’t post because it’s nothing major: a teacher aide position at our local middle school. It’s only a few hours a day, and no benefits. But it kind of fell into my lap, so I thought, if I get it, I should take it. It’s a start to earn some money, and it gives me time to think about what else I want to do: whether it’s earn continuing ed. credits to resume my former career, take a second job, go back to school whatever. At least it’s a start to some independence. So wish me luck. It’s funny, no matter how old we are, or how much life experience we have, we still get the major butterflies! I feel like I’m going to my first job, lol!!Love ZG
Applause! Bravo! Great Job!
What do you mean, nothing major? That’s HUGE!!!!!!!!!!
Good for you. It will boost your self esteem, get you in contact with NORMAL people, and allow you to start to spreading your wings a bit.
Applause for you.
JoAnn is right…
My son, with autism, has had DOZENS of teacher-aides, throughout the years, some were more general and some were specifically there, FOR HIM.
You are absolutely PERFECT for that position… and its important. Each and everyone has had a profound effect on his life. Even the last one, a year ago, who sucked, because it hi-lighted the need for him to go to a completely different educational setting.
But, I am so happy for you, Z!!!
Love,
Laurel
Yeah, ZumbaGirl!!!
I think it’s a great step. It’s part of how we rebuild our own sense of presence and agency in this world. It helps to deal with depression as well, because we are “useful” again. And you are in a position that can really make a difference to a young person, and also a parent worrying about their child.
Just keep going ZG, it’s moving forward and you will get where you need to be.
We are all so very proud of you and the way you are tackling all the dynamics in your life! Thanks for letting us know.
love you,
diane.ZG,
This is fantastic news! This is the first step to your new independence. I wish you the best of luck!
{{{hugs}}}
Jac (Dazed)Dear Z Girl,
I think that is a FANTASTIC step on your part! Who knows where it will take you and what it might lead you to? I can believe you are nervous BUT after what you have survived you KNOW that you can do this? BIG HUG Karen x
Hi ZG,
I too think this is great news and I’m very proud of your courage and strength! Keep up taking good care of yourself!!!
Love, napYAY! So proud of you. I know you’re nervous, I would be too. Even at the age of 53, I would be just as nervous as I was at my first job at 16!
Please, let us know how it goes and how it feels.
Much love . . . Claire
Hi sisters!
Wow, you are all just the best cheerleaders anyone could ask for! Thank you so much!! So I survived my first day and it was great. The school was really short-staffed today, so they literally threw me into things–baptism by fire, lol! But you know what, once I was there, any anxiety I had was SO minimal compared to my life-with-an-SA anxiety. I think it’s going to be great, and it really was good to be in an environment with kids and (normal!) adults!!
And you’re right; I shouldn’t minimize this job. I’ve been downplaying partly because it’s not going to make big bucks right now. My SA has been indicating that part of his acting out is due to the stress of being the money-maker. Meanwhile, I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for 7 years, and he never breathed a word out loud about this stress. I always consult with him about big purchases. But then, ahem, he “surprised” me in 2007 with a cute little convertible for HIMSELF! Trust me, I can understand the pressure he feels, but it’s pressure to maintain a pretty damn comfortable lifestyle thus far. It’s not a pressure to keep food on the table, if you know what I mean. And while he does have a stressful career–he’s basically self employed with no guaranteed paycheck–apparently he had plenty of time to surf porn and see hookers. Ok, now I’m getting myself all worked up, lol! I think I’m a BIT resentful that he never had a conversation with me, and yet this past spring, only a couple of months after d-day, when I was barely crawling out of the fog, he had to bring up how important it was for me to get a job. Umm, ok, I’ll get a job, but for ME, not YOU. And the irony is that as of this year, I have 2 kids in highschool now, all on the same schedule. My plans WERE to get my bearings and get back to work. And then, a certain d-day in March 2011 threw my life out of whack. And all of a sudden, the pressure is coming from HIM?
Now don’t get me wrong. Please don’t think I’m lazy and don’t want to go to work. But there was a plan to it, and I thought we were both on the same page about the plan.
So anyway, I can say I’m glad for myself that I took this job, as it seemed like a good place to start and a really good “fit” for ME. And it can lead to other things down the road. So SA can deal with it. Ha!Ok, love you guys, and thanks again for all of the wonderful words!!!
Love Julie
So happy for you Z!!!
Yes, we also had this discussion tonight… about not communicating something and then feeling “entitled” to “fix” it in an excruciatingly hurtful way…
if only, he had clued me in?
but he didn’t feel comfortable?
March… I hope you’ve had your shots! lol
Dear Z Girl,
GOOD FOR YOU. Your husband is a f–king wanker! Ask Jos or Busy Bee ….they can tell you what that is.God…the f–king nerve of that ASSHOLE!!! Karen xx
Andits not stressful taking care of kids and a household. I hope you told himnow tha tyou work he has to cook dinner on a certain night, or do his own laundry?? clean the house; because you are a working girl now!!
The ass thinks its all about him as usual. You are doing a job called taking care of the kids and his ass. He kinda ticks me off.
Love,
floraThe sense of entitlement these men have is appalling. My SA drives an an ’06 FJ, bought in ’06 for about $30,000. I drive an 06 Beetle, bought in 2010 for about $14,000. His mountain bike, $1500; mine, $300. He’s ALWAYS worried about money until he wants something.
ZG, I can so relate to your story – especially the way your SA has made you feel like you’re not ‘pulling your weight’ financially. Mine has done the same with veiled references to couples he knows ‘where the wife works and contributes to the household’ blah blah blah bullshit. Yeah, well if I hadn’t been following his cheating ass around the country for his work all these years then maybe I, too, could have had a career. Sure, I realize I have to ‘own’ my choices, but I thought we were in this thing together, ya know? Hang in there girl, we’ll show the fuckers in the end! Love you Liza
Thank you, Liza!! Yeah, my SA recently told me I’m the only wife he knows who doesn’t work outside the home. Oh, ok. Thanks for making that (bizarre) statement 7 years later. Whatever.
Love ya!!
JulieI just reread some of this. H and son are home today, because of massive power outages (not us; we are one of the lucky few– again, thank God!) and impassible roads.
You h IS a wanker!!!
grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!
My h didn’t work for 3.3 years…(one stretch was 2.5 years which is when the acting out got started in terms of involving other women.) well, he was my “stay at home dad” who was also helping me with my biz, but mostly the KIDS and what a TREMENDOUS RELIEF AND RESPITE THAT WAS. And I was constantly thanking him and telling EVERYONE what a FANTASTIC HUSBAND HE WAS. Little did I know, that as soon as I was out the door to see a client, he was on the puter with his cyber fuck buddies and porn babes. 🙁
And I also thought that we were in this together and that he was working WITH me, not FOR ME!!!
And then, when he DID get a job, it was at ONE THIRD his previous salary, only now I had not nearly as much help with my work or the massive handful children, as I did before. In fact, that year, our income, actually went down by about 30k!!!
I DID become resentful for being the one who HAD to make the six figure income, because it simply wasn’t possible, between the economy, and my own burn-out and depression and time *I* needed to devote to our atypical children.
I communicated this to him, in as calm and supportive a way as possible. I implored him to seek out a career counselor, which he finally did and she helped him with his resume and he got the job that he has had for nearly 4 years, which he really likes, but the pay is still shit!
but he only saw all of my ideas for how we were going to REMAIN SOLVENT as “criticism.”
Sarah, Karen, Monique, Jill, Michal, Brenda… and countless others, that i do not know about, didn’t care if he couldn’t support his family… They could BE anything and everything, that HE NEEDED THEM TO BE!
Try living with one of them???
Think they will spend 1000s of hours advocating for YOUR children, or be happy with never being able to take a vacation or receiving a toaster for your birthday?
not to mention, no sex and no lovin’.
I think not.
But back to the main point. It didn’t matter what I did or said, or if I made a lot of money, or I didn’t, if I was quiet or spoke my mind, if I was happy or sad (and I was sad a huge amount of the time, and DID go to therapy) he felt ENTITLED to do whatever he felt he wanted to do and felt that it was “hopeless” to even try to come after me, even though, I clearly told him the VERY words he needed to say…
uh huh…
but… no…
point is…
it doesn’t matter, Z.
it’s always, ALL about them, and they will make up ANY EXCUSE IN THEIR FUCKED UP HEADS, TO JUSTIFY THEIR PATHETIC BEHAVIOR.
sorry to shout, so early in the day!
I love you Z and just want you to know, I think that your h is a complete caricature of himself; textbook and laughable in the extreme.
Laurel
Way to go z girl!!! I am so excited for you! What a great fit, I’m certain those kids are going to love you ~ what a fun and exciting time for you! I used to help out at school a lot, and loved getting those big smiles from kids.
Soak up the love they show you ~ you deserve it!my h never wanted me to work, and now he is using the same excuse of “earning stress” (he also spends like a fool). bullshit. I had a job 2 summers ago up north and he came up weekends, and I had to work, he was soooooooo pissed that I was not there to feed and hang out with him. Like flora says, I can not wait to see how he reacts when you are not at his disposal! Get ready to see a new side!
I was gone this week at a conference in Spokane Wa for my family’s business and came home to a new computer (didn’t need) a $700 garmin for his car (aren’t they like a hundred bucks?) and new tires for his car (ok).
every time I go away……………$,sex,? my gut knew it. I am learning to listen to my belly!when all hell broke loose last October one of the first things he said to me is “all the women I know are working and so much more put together than you”. Ouch.
*I looked pretty put together at that conference!
~z go buy yourself a bunch of new clothes! He won’t notice the bills, as much as he will notice that you are becoming independent. And do not ask his permission to buy them ~you are working now!Congrats!
Heidi
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