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maybe this might make sense. i sleep very little so my mind goes into over drive.
when i was married to my first husband my life was hell. but i had a escape i would walk on the beach. every night i would walk and walk for hours. it didnt matter what the weather was. it didnt matter if i just had a baby. here is a example i had my last son nov 20th i left the hospital the next morning because i could not leave my other kids alone with their father. that night i bundled my newborn up and i walked. every night i used that beach to push down my day, my life. i would walk until i felt nothing until i could feel that inner peace.then i would go home sleep a few hours and start a new day. i did this for years. i broke that habit maybe addiction depends how its looked at. i stopped and when i did i had no escape i no longer hid myself from what was my life.
is this not what all addicts do hide from life. just something ive been playing with in my mind.Hi Katt,
I think addiction is away to avoid pain and an escape. It’s likely their coping mechanism. It also reduces anxiety and it gets bigger and bigger over time.Love, Nap
hi Katt,
I love the beach. They say that at the beach the air is cleaner than anywhere else, fresh air off the water. We have clearer and sunnier days than my mom has in ohio. She says the air is fresher and the sun is out more. And i think that it is.I am not sure i would call walking on the beach an addiction. I would call walking on the beach where you had a chance for peace and serenity. Physical activity and the clean fresh air…i am not sure you could do any better. And it might be what saved you. You felt good there. It was a place of peace and solitude for you. Your church. Instead of praying a few hours a day, you walked. Many people run every day, rain or snow. If it is an addiction, its a healthy one.
I know what you are talking about. When i was going through a tough time with the h, i would drink a couple drinks before bed, and when i would wake up in the morning i would re-set. I would feel better. But by the end of the day, it always came back. That feeling, i don’t know how to describe. Probably that one that means i cannot do this anymore (with the h not life). Shortly after that i went on anti-depressents, i thought it was me. How could i not live my h anymore. Must be something else…anything else. but it was not. No matter how hard i tried to stuff it down, something was wrong in our relationship and i had lost my love for him. It took my cognitive side a long time to catch up with my heart. I had always hoped it would return. It never did.
Love,
FloraKatt,
I don’t think it’s addiction. Definitely an escape, but at least a better escape than some you could choose. I agree with Flora. You’re a strong person, and I think you chose a healthy a way to get through that hell. You did no harm to yourself or children. You did not turn to drinking, drugs, or something equally harmful (and yet not uncommon in those circumstances.) You are an amazing woman, Kathy, and I am so honored to call you my friend. I learn a lot from you.xoxo,
JulieEveryone deserves an escape. If it isn’t hurting anyone… causing you to not care for your kids, neglect your huband, making you late for work, etc. Then it seems plenty healthy to me. I have a group of friends who go walking together every day. What a fantastic way to start a day.
Why don’t you walk on the beach anymore?
after my partner and i got together we decided to move to wv. a fresh start, ya right. we found a old 16 room farm house and I bought it. we have been redoing it for the last 5 years now to the studs, new everything. its more or less half done. so now this is my problem. i m stuck in wv. i have a house yet in nj, but just listed it a few weeks ago. right before all this crap with him. i had held on to that house kinda like a safety net for me. i go back to nj often but never go to the beach im afraid ill do what i did before and push down my life and not face this life im in. im alone here in wv, my kids are here but thats just another issue. i need to really look at this mess, i cant sell this house, since i put up the cash. im into it for about 80000 and i could never get that. also a lot of the work left i can not do myself. so im stuck, in here for now.
i do miss the beach have since the day i moved but fear it too……..Is taking the house off the market an opton? I’m not sure that closing that door to oppurtunity is the best idea.
katt, I think your walking on the beach is a really healthy thing, not an addiction in the negative sense of the word.
There’s a beautiful poem by Pablo Neruda, ‘You Are the Daughter of the Sea.’ I think you would especially like this part of it:
“Your eyes go out toward the water, and the waves rise;
your hands go out to the earth and the seeds swell;
you know the deep essence of water and the earth,
conjoined in you like a formula for clay.” xoxokim i thought about that the truth is if i look at the future my taxes right now are 500.00 a month. plus the mortgage payment. i have been holding on to it since i moved 5 years ago. since my moms husband died she is not able to keep up with her house it is also in nj. that said now i have 3 homes to take care of. i was talking to her this morning and she asked if i wanted her house, i told her once my house is sold then we need to sit down and talk about what she wants to do.
annie thank you i love this poem it does fits me in so many ways. sometimes i so think i should have been born 100 years ago i am so not part of this world i live in. i wish i would have bought a few hundred acres in the middle of nowhere, i may yet…………..
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