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Hi,
I am glad to find a place to be able to talk….my husband and I have been married for 12 years. I found out that he had been seeing hookers 3 years ago…it took 6 months for him to admit he’d slept with 3 people….and that it was because of smoking marijuana. So he went to some MA meetings, and slowly painfully we ”healed.” But that wasn’t real. I didn’t know anything about SA and I was very naiive. 2 years later after an anniversary and himproclaiming how far we’d come etc. etc. (and me finally letting my guard down) I found out how wrong I was. We were in the car, and I asked to use his mobile. The children were in the back seat. I turned it on, and there were pages and pages of escorts in his browser. It took 6 days for him to say that he had actually slept with someone. Then over the next 6 months and a polygraph, I found that he’d been with 50-100 escorts (who counts).I have had a small chance to look around SOS, and I notice that people are talking about personality disorders and SA’s. Is there any place that I could get information on that? How are they tested? What kind of personality disorders do they have?
Right now I live with my husband, he has a separate room. We are not intimate. He joined SA last February or March after I saw his mobile phone. He has a sponsor. I have no idea of what is going on in his head in general. I do know he is very anxious and edgy.Sorry for rambling…I’m not feeling very well.
Thanks again,
LilaOh Lila, I am so sorry to hear how you are hurting. I dont have anything to offer here but warmth and support. Im sure some of the other sisters have valuable info on personality disorders. Wishing you well and sending a hug.
And I am working on an eBook on Personality Disorders. This is such a huge subject it is difficult to distill it all down into manageable pieces.
It’s difficult for me to determine which came first, the PD or the SA. Compulsive behaviors, impulsiveness, a lack of empathy and chronic lying are all symptoms of many PD’s.
I am very angry that counselors, especially our so-called CSAT experts, do not require professional testing of all Sex Addicts for Personality Disorders. Instead they treat the symptom as if it were the disease, costing everyone precious time and a lot of money.
HI Lila,
I think my SA has a PD. When he got “sober”, it was unmedicated by the sexual acting out, and he was just horrible to me, unfeeling, compulsive, critical, narcissistic, cruel, selfish, and then he started medicating with alcohol. AFter me screaming at him he finally stopped that. But I think he is either borderline PD or narcissitic PD..
Lila.
Wow. You have been through more than any one person should ever have to deal with.When reading, the things I seem to run into the most in association with SA is Narcissistic Personality Disorder, OCD, and Borderline Personality Disorder. There are plenty more. The “experts” are slowly getting around to figuring out what the SA’s wife has known for a LONG time… something is not right with these guys.
My daughter has an anxiety disorder. To have her get a full psychological evaluation (testing) done and diagnosed, I called a psychologist covered by our insurance, met with her, explained the situation and asked to have it done. It actually seemed a little too simple. I hope that helps and it can go as smoothly for you.
Oh Lila, just reading your story gave me that sick in the pit of my stomach feeling. Sorry I don’t know jack about personality disorders – for what it’s worth, I don’t give a shit about that. All that really matters to me is the fact that someone has felt it’s within their right to completely annihilate our lives. I’m tired of excuses, sad sorry childhoods, work pressures, fucking blah blah blah. You know it’s so ironic, everyone expects US to just ‘get over’ this massive-beyond-belief-betrayal while at the same time giving these assholes a get-out-of-jail-free-pass because they have an ‘addiction’ or had an abusive childhood. Yeah, well I’m having an abused adulthood at their hands, what does that count for? Sorry, jaded here. Liza
Dear Lila,
Google ,anti-social personality, borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. You will pull up volumes of infoand lists of symptoms. Prepare yourself that you may see your husband in part of the descriptions. Myself…I think most of them are personality disordered. You could have him tested specifically for that, by a trained professional. I get that you are not feeling well Lila. 🙁 Don’t be afraid to post or ask questions anytime. Oh… and we were ALL naive about it until it blew up our lives. Karen xx
I took an online personality disorder test and answered the questions the way my h would have answered and he definitely has several personality disorders! hehe
Borderline and bipolar are seriously similar. I’ve known too people who were diagnosed BP and it ended up being Borderline. And according to my one friend, unlike bipolar (which can be medically managed) Borderline medicines don’t really help. I know so much about bipolar that I am positive my H doesn’t have it. Antisocial yes. Borderline, I’d lean towards no. 10 years ago I’d say not in a million years was his naurssistic. Now I wouldn’t make that claim.
He has had psych evala done and was diagnosed with OCD, anxiety and depression. Nothings else seemed apparent on the tests. He was also psychologically evaluated 7 years ago for a custody battle. That DR reported the results of the test as well as a 10 page written summary. I need to pull that out and look at it with new eyes.
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