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i have been debating if i should post or send a private email. i decided to post.this is all about who we are sisters…..
until this past weekend i didnt fully understand all this talk about sisters and what it meant
i went to the weekend retreat, i had such anxiety and fear on my drive-10 hours. i was scared i post on sos, i put my info in my profile yet when other put in pictures i couldnt. i saw all these beautiful women who have been destroyed by these men and i would think how im so just plain i dont wear makeup, i like flannel shirts 10 sizes to big for me- i dont know how to put this. i carry allot of my past around with me. i have felt so alone, so ugly, in some deep way deserving of all this crap life has given me. please dont say how i shouldnt i know that yet its so hard to keep that in check at times.
so back to why im posting the trip up was hard i stopped to walk around stores along the way. so i would clear my head. i wanted to turn around and head home. thank god i promised zg her bedding i had to get there no matter what. i wanted to go but my head can really get f-ked up at times. well i get there and for the first time since july 2010 i felt free of these lies i live. you see nobody knows nobody. i felt so safe that is something that i have found very hard for me i felt that with my partner for years not anymore.
then sunday came and i didnt want to leave i was to leave early by 10 am yet at 2.30 i walked out the door. it was like i had to force myself. i walked to my car and found a gift on my seat.
someone left me a PIECE OF HER HEART. i started my car real fast and left i stopped around the corner and pulled over a sobbed those gut wrenching kind.i knew i wound never be alone again, i knew i had a safe place with the ladies i have met on this site.
i pulled over a few times on my way home not because of fear because its hard to drive and cry the way i was.
i played my cd player louder then ever and let that music fill my soul
so i want to thank you my sister for SHARING A PIECE OF YOUR HEART with me
i love you all
kathyKatt,
That was a beautiful post…made me cry. You are such a beautiful person. How many people would drive 10 hours to deliver bedding to Zumbagirl? I love her to death…could be her closest friend if we lived closer, but I don’t know if I would drive 10 hours to give her bedding??? LOL I mean talk about loyalty…to someone you have never even seen face to face. Also, I remember you telling us about your garden filled with cantaloupe, cucumbers, watermelons, and more. My family longs to have fruit/veggies in the house, because I put off grocery shopping so much!!!! Remember when you told me you woke each morning to make your son breakfast??? Some kid’s moms are hung over in bed or could care less if their child has a good breakfast. You love your son! Lastly, I loved when you spoke about looking up in the sky and enjoying the beauty…standing in a crowded place and looking up…forcing others to wonder, “What is so interesting up there?” …only to find what is there every single day…fluffy clouds, dazzling sunrays, majestic birds…
You said all these little tid bits without a desire for applause…you just shared you, I guess a piece of who you are…a piece of your heart with me/us. I like your heart and thank you for sharing it with me and the other sisters.
Also, I think it is cool that you live with a big black pig! NOT JOKING SISTERS! I saw the pics!
Love, B. Trayed
Kathy,
What a beautiful, beautiful post. As cheeky as it sounds – thanks for sharing you.
Hugs and love,
SSKatt,
Wowwy wow wow!!!
You are not plain. You are definitely NOT ugly. You actually have an exquisitely beautiful face, but your real beauty, lives on the inside. I am honored to know you and to be able to call you my friend.
I admire you hugely.
Julia, (ZG), you have a heart so HUGE, and SO generous, that I am positive that you leave pieces of it every where you go. That is just because that is how you are and how you live your life and that is just so beautiful!
Love,
L
Dear Katt,
I never got to meet you in person. But I have always felt something special in every word you ever wrote. I’m glad you got to feel just a little of how how much you matter to us. I know you are beautiful, just as Lexie says. That’s how I see you all the time.
Thank you for sharing what the journey and the retreat brought to your life. And thank you for having the courage to see it through.
warm hug,
Diane.Kathy,
Your post gave me chills and tears. I was so honored to meet you. When you told me Thursday night how hard it was for you to take this journey and take a chance, I was awed by your courage. And then when you said you had to get here because you promised to bring the bedding, I was further awed by your generosity of spirit and integrity. (And b-trayed, you cracked me up with your question about driving 10 hours to deliver bedding to me! :))
I know how hard it was to leave too. (Ask SL about how I was bawling at the airport. I really hate goodbyes, and these were the hardest I’ve had to say in a long time. As you’ve stated, I felt so safe, loved and real this weekend. I was thinking of you on your drive back (and all of the ladies) as I was sitting in the airport. Boy, airports are lonely places after a weekend like this.
You are truly one of the bravest, strongest people I’ve ever met, and I am so blessed to be your friend. Thank you for your post.
And Lexie, thank you for your kind words. I’m actually blushing here; not used to that! I think I felt more beautiful this weekend (inside and out) than I have in a long time. Anyone else?
Love Julie
p.s. Kathy, today my son, who’s a highschool senior, got a postcard from WVU. Hmm…maybe that’s a sign? 🙂zg if you all want to visit wvu my home is open to you and your family. i may not have all my walls up but the bedrooms are done. would love to have you and yours anytime
love kathyKathy,
That is sooo kind of you! And believe me, I don’t need more than a floor.( And I’ll bring my own air mattress, lol!) Believe me, I’m not fussy. My SA does all of our home renovations. He’s good at all that, but with a full time job, projects take time, and you should see what we end up living with for months at a time. Many years ago, he redid the bathroom in our first house. To get by, he set up a temporary toilet at one end of the kitchen with a shower curtain around it. Yes, you read that correctly. 🙂
And someday, I may just come visit you because I would love to experience that small town life for a few days. It sounds very peaceful and refreshing in many ways.Thank you again!! XOXO Julie/zg
zg been there done that. we had no water the first winter here. the toilet froze so it was a chamber pot for the winter. shower was hot pots of water you get the picture. looking back that was the best year in this house, go figure and i didnt know it then. i wish i had…..
love kathy
ps anytime you want my door is always openHi Katt,
What a great gift and surprise for you!!!
i was brought to tears when i first read it a couple days ago. What magic!!!!And Julie – I totally agree. After i go to home port…i felt so beatifull confident, i swear mens heads were turning. I do feel great and more at peace than ever before.
Love,
FloraLadies,Â
It’s been one week and I miss you all so much!! Even after the disaster when we got home, even now as I relax in beautiful Ft Meyers Beach, I still continue to think of our wonderful weekend and the way it made us all feel!! Not all the ugliness of perpetrators or the misunderstanding and loss of others can take away the beautiful memories of last weekend! I simply can’t WAIT to do it again and see you again and hopefully many of the other sisters as well!!!Â
XOXO!!!!
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