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“Ok we are here in the matter of xxxx vs xxxx. I understand you have reached a settlement you think is fair and the decree reflects this.” says the judge. Before we do the oath well have the lawyers each ask their questions. ” Bitchilda you start”. Bitchilda asks Joe 3 really dumb questions like his name, the date of our marriage, and one more. After each one Joe very softly and seriously said yes.
Then the judge told Raquels lawyer to ask Raquel her questions. Her lawyer asked really good questions and after each, Raquel said very enthusiastically “YES”. Quite the opposite of Joes yeses.
Then the judge said it’s time for the oath but asked if we had any questions. Raquel raised her hand and said ” I do”. Everything in the room went dead quiet. By everyones reaction, she guessed no one ever asks questions. Raquel didnt care she had one.
Oh NAP, I have to go to church and then meetings. I’ll be back in 5 hours. I need to know her question will be waiting for me.
D.“There are a couple of items I find unfair in this decree, but I’m going to just ask about one” said Raquel, the room still dead silent and everyone was staring at her. ” My lawyer fees are twice what his are because he turned over incomplete discovery. My lawyer had to send out 15 supenas, and then he brought me into court 4 times during the divorce for irrational reasons which were all ruled in my favor. I think he should have to pay at least half of my lawyer fees.”
The room was dead silent then the judge said “Well, what happens here today is you either accept the decree or you don’t. You have the right not to. The case would open back up, I would review your lawyers data and then his lawyers data, we would have a hearing then I would make a judgment about the fees.”. “Its a good question”. All Raquel could think of while she was talking was more $$$$$$$$.
” Thank you for answering my question Judge I wish to proceed.”. The judge told Joe and Raquel to raise their right hands. ” OH WAIT, I HAVE A QUESTION !” scrys Bithchila. Now the room is so dead quiet.
okay, my meeting ran long. But I’m back. And I have to go out again. Will Bitchila’s question be waiting for me when I get back?
” I want to ask the respondent a question !” she huffed. The respondent was Raquel. WTF does she want to ask me thought Raquel. What a bitch.
The room was so quiet you could hear people breathing. All eyes were on Bitchilda. ” My question is, do you think your lawyer gave you good legal representation ?”Raquel didn’t hesitate a second and said, “My lawyer is an excellent attorney, she’s exceeded my expectations, she’s always professional, works hard, always available to see me, very thorough and efficient, and of all her many great qualities the one I admire most is her integrity. “. The room was silent. Then the Judge said, ” Yes, Ms. xxxx is an excellent attorney”.
“let’s proceed with the oath”.Now, one would think Bitchilda would have been satisfied with that answer especially with the Judges comment. But no. “WAIT ! I WANT TO ASK HER ONE MORE QUESTION ! ” screeched Bitchilda.
Leave me the fuck alone thought Raquel. ” The second question I want to ask is do you think your attorney did a good Job for you?”. Shit thought Raquel is this lady for real. Raquel looked at the Judge and said ” Isnt that question redundant”? “Yes it sure is, please don’t ask any more questions” the Judge told Bitchilda. Bitchilda was annoyed but not half as annoyed as the Judge.
Raquel and Joe follow through with the oath raising their right hands. They had to swear they could not marry another person for 6 months except for each other. Raquel gagged at that part but nobody noticed. They all walked out of the Judges chambers into the sea of people and headed towards the elevator.
Raquel felt really good. It was finally over. Joe on the other hand was very somber and didn’t seem anything. Raquel had ignored him the whole time. She tried to ignore Bitchilda too until she HAD to ask her those obnoxious questions.
Rsquel and her lawyer were walking quite a bit ahead of Joe and his. “Why do you think she asked me those stupid questions?”. Raquel asked her lawyer. ” I have no idea but you noticed she didn’t ask her client those questions” replied Raquels lawyer. “you’re right!” said Raquel. Then they got to the elevator.
wow – I have been out of the loop for a few weeks and read all of this at once!
Nap you are amazing!! This whole story is playing in my head like a movie! You really have a talent!
~I am so glad I got to read it all at once, the suspense would have driven me nuts!
My lawyer told me to make an appointment with the bitchilada in our town so my h cannot hire her. It actually states in his agreement to hire him that if xxxxxx is representing my h he will not be my lawyer!
Calling her for an interview today! Thanks nap!As they reached the elevator and waited, up walks Joe and his attorney. Very awkward. Raquels lawyer could sense how uncomfortable it was for Raquel. The elevator door opens and s bunch of people got off. Joe and Bitchilda got into the elevator. ” aren’t you all getting in” scried Bitchilda. “You know, I think were going to take the stairs” replied Raquels lawyer as the door shut.
Great idea thought Raquel. They went down the stairs and were out of the building. “Whew” it felt good to be outside in the fresh air. “I’m so glad that’s over!”. Raguel said relieved. Just then, sirens started blaring.
“Oh my gosh, what is that !”. “Gee I don’t know” said Raquels lawyer. They were halfway back walking to her lawyers office and they stopped and looked back at the courthouse. There were ambulances and firetrucks everywhere. Raquels lawyer called somebody on the phone, “Hey what’s happening at the courthouse, oh really, ok, bye” “One of the elevators malfunctioned and crashed, ” said Raquels lawyer. “Thats going to be a lawsuit” replied Raquel and they kept walking back towards the office.
THE END
Oh and now I get the title! I am taking the stairs from now on. And I really hope this post hits 200!
Okay, I have to ask….
Did the elevator crash really happen?
Were there injuries and hopefully some pain and inconvenience? (I’m a bad person, I know)
also,
I think “take the stairs” could become the S.O.S. motto.
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