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ok heres something that has played in my mind the past few days. my partner hes this incredible man who fixes car, builds barn, can gut and rebuild a house. electrical,plumbing, installing a furnace. hes strong, can write like no other man i know, he always says the right thing. he to me was like taking every move,book, and rolling it into one. all those parts you read or see and wish you had that man next to you. he was a unbelievable lover, again like everything ive dreamed of.
now i see he was acting out his porn scenes, damn what a sex life we had but truth is as fake as the movies. he the little boy pretending he a armyman or superman. he has the mind set of that little boy out of sight out of mind. he thinks like the little boy they are pretty, they dont know so its ok. like the little boy who looks under the dressing room door when hes 6. he not capable of love for hes a little boy stuck in a adult body.
hes never really blamed me for it yet he does not see the full extent of what he done. it just does not register in his head. he sees how its not right yet i can see he does not get it.
for years i could not put my finger on it heres this great man who can do these wonderful things that only a man can do, yet he can not love at that level.
hes a manchild just wondering if any of you have felt this wayGosh Katt, mine too had many good qualities. He was funny, a great lover, can fix anything, but when it came to adult responsibilities he crashed. If I wanted to talk about something he’d say he would then end up mad in 2 seconds and leave the room or house. Probably to meet a hooker. When it came to adult thinge he’d do the opposite, he was so immature emotionally.
Yes a child in an adult mans body. They say they are stunted to the age in which they started using. I really cannot say the age of mine could be between 5 and like 10. But i think alot of what they learn is from books and others. They see and learn what they need and should do and copy it. They have no idea what it is to mean to do these things. And they are therefore dumbfounded when we want more…or when we find the cookies stuffed into the couch…or the grill cheese stuffed in the VCR. They deny and lie. And also somehow beleive that you will never find out, and beleive them.
Ugh.
Love,
Floraor is it more they stopped growing at the time of abuse that the using was more to fill the void the abuse caused.
Oh yes, Katt, I often see my h as a manchild too. And then it farks with my head, because I get this feeling of feeling sorry for him, like my maternal instincts are getting fired up about him. Part of this is I guess because he has had an obsessive phobia around sex and around erectile dysfunction since his teenage years, and it seems that was part of the motivation for his ‘acting out,’ which began after I shut down on sex altogether for ten years. Which is a whole ‘nother story. I’m still trying to learn to balance that compassion or pity or whatever it is with protecting myself and staying wary. Because the end result of this ‘piteous’ thing was that he cheated on me right and left in order to conquer his fear..courtesy of loads of Viagra. So it’s very different from feeling compassion for him if, for example, he’d gone back to drinking. But so many times I find myself looking at him as a troubled, scared little boy, and lemme tell you, that really messes with my head! xoxo
Annie,
Been there, done that! Of all the hours I spent in therapy, the only time I ever cried was when I talked about the little boy who was abused by his Dad. It tore me apart. My awesome therapist let me have my “moment”, acknowledged my feelings, and then gently reminded me that he is now an adult. He knows he has a problem and he knows there is help available. If he chooses not to use those resources to his advantage and do the hard work to change, then it is the end of story for me. And that’s that. I sadly closed the book. Good luck to you and your personal situation. XO!
My two cents…they are all looking for farking mothers as Annie says. 🙂 I don’t want to play mother to the man I fark. I have children if I want to mother someone. I mean I want to care for a man I love and have him care for me, BUT I don’t want to be the grown up to some fool’s bad little boy. 🙁 Gawd men that want mothers and men that want to fark their mothers and daughters….how twisted is all this????
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