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he’s 21, doesn’t have a girlfriend, (but desperately wants one) has severe ADHD and is addicted to porn.
He admitted it to me, tonight.
Dear Lexie,
Your heart must be breaking. There is nothing worse than when our children are struggling. Will you be able to talk to him about therapy, 12 step etc? He’s young—he has a good chance for recovery if he breaks the cycle now.
I’m just so sorry Lexie. It’s so terribly hard because it’s everywhere.
Special thoughts of you tonight,
love,
D.My dearest Lexie,
I cannot imagine your pain, but please know that you and your son are in my thoughts.
What do you need? How can we help you through this?
Are you seeing a counselor?
lexie please be stong your son has one hell of a mother behind him. take his hand and guide him, he has come to you. first step is being honest. hes made that more then that he trusted you.
much love kattLexie,
I’m so sad to hear about your son. His young age is a big plus and I hope he will want to get help. My thoughts are with you and your son.
Love you, NapOh Lexie,
My heart breaks for you. This could be my son; perhaps will be my son. I’m glad he admitted it to you; that’s a brave step. Please call me anytime. I’m here for you in any way!!
Love, JulieLexie, I will pray for you and your son. He wants help or he wouldn’t have told you. Can you turn off all internet/video sources and ensure that he is kept from print media that might draw him back to that? Does he have a spiritual tradition that gives him strength? Now that he has told you, you are in a perfect place to stay close and get him the help he needs.
My heart goes out to you,
Sandy (sunny)
Hi Lexie,
I am so sorry to hear this. But i think the fact they he told you shows great chanced for him to get better. He is still somehwat young and for him it could be as simple as changing habits. If he has acknowledged, then there is great hope hear i think. Like others said at his age, depending on what a therapist says, you could limit this type of activity form the internet, and he may do it on his own, with the help of a therapist.He has seen his dad. My hope is that he will use that to get better versus, my dad is this way and he is _ years old and cannot gt better.
Sending love and hugs your way.
Love,
FloraL,
Thinking of you! You are so smart- you can help him beat this! Let us help YOU! We all love you and support you all the way!Love, P
Dear Lexie, you have raised a strong, wise, brave boy. More important, you have earned his trust. Yes, it must have been incredibly hard for him to admit this to you, especially now, and this is another testament to your strength (that you so often question)–that your son knew you could handle this and help him. I know it’s not easy, know you feel crushed. But I hope you also feel proud–of yourself and of your son.
lexie here we go, right? I worry so about my kids and watch their behavior like a hawk now. My daughter’s personality is so much like my husbands, and she is freaking out that she may be just like dad. How much of this is their age vs. their genes? The fact that she is talking to me about things she is embarrassed about is a good sign. Her dad would never ever admit he messed up.
my 3 college age daughters say all the guys at school are into porn, and they are not ashamed to joke about it, admit it, and bring nasty stuff up on the computer in a crowd. SCARY. The avatars on the computer games sexualize the women to a gross degree. And in grand theft auto you can pick up a prostitute, your money goes down, the car rocks back and forth, she gets out and if you shoot and kill her ~ you get your money back. I think there is going to be a lot of sa’s in our future. But our kids are paying attention now, and that may be the good that comes out of this mess we are all in.
He told you. That is huge, something none of our husbands would admit to until they had to. Keep the dialog open. Tell him that girls really really dig guys who are NOT into porn. It’s true. Quit the porn and he will get a girlfriend. At his age he is curious as all get out and the hormones are raging. Make sure you tell him that real love making will never be like porn, porn is freaky circus clown sex, not even close to the real deal. (I actually told my son that). Then tell him don’t do what your dad did, you want the real deal.
what a gift he came to you, awareness is 95% of the battle.hugs
heidiLexie,
It amazes me how much pain a person can take. My heart just aches as I read your post. You are already in such a vulerable spot Lexie, and this is another layer that will make your load heavier. I am a believer that things happen for a reason and all roads that we are on, have put us exactly where we are at this moment.
You have been such a strength in your son’s life. For this, you should be very proud of yourself. Perhaps what you have gone through with your husband has led you to be available for your son. It is your personality that allowed him to come to you and reveal such an intimate problem. I know that this hurts you Lexie, and it must feel so heavy on the heels of your husbands issues.We are here to help guide you in your decisions on how to navigate this. I really do think that there is hope for him because he is the one that came to you.
hugs {{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}Lexie, I’m so sorry. Heed everyone’s good advice. I was wondering too if you have a therapist you are seeing that can help you not only get through the trauma from your husband, but can guide you through this new trauma as well.
Love, LindyI has a conversation with my dad at Xmas about life being a bit like playing snakes and ladders. You trundle along happily thinking you’ve got it made, and then suddenly you end up at the bottom of a snake, thinking, how on earth did that happen?
But as surprising as it seems sometimes, we keep breathing in and out, we keep putting one foot in front of the other, and sooner or later we’ll find another ladder.
Be kind to yourself. xxxSo sorry to hear about your son Lexie
Has to be overwhelmingly difficult an will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers
your son must love and trust you very much to have opened up to you about this. I think that alone says so much about you and about his want/ability to get through this. With your support he will be able to kick this and live a life much better. The one he’s meant to have
I know the rock in your gut the pain in your heart when your child hurts. You want to do Anthing you can to make it better. And someone on this site mentioned someeyhibg good. Or positive coming out of all of this mess. This may be one of yours. Your experience, your understanding of this thing may be exactly what he needs in order to get through it
xxoooDear Lexie,
Keep the faith. He is young. He is ADHD. He is lonely and he has alot of info to process about his Dad? He may just think he is a sex addict? Heidi is right…many younsters are experimenting with it. He came and told you….that is NOT what a SA does? If he is telling it is not a secret life and that is key to being a sex addict. If you can get him someone to talk to that would be great. I know you are afraid for him. I have an ADHD son and I have the same concern.
Karen xx
Lexie, he told you. He was honest and open enough to come to you. The cycle is broken. He has a therapist, work with them together. Take the shame out of the situation and be thankful for his coming to you. Hug the life out of him and talk honestly about pornography not being real and talk about what is real. Above all, try not to be afraid x
And I, Lexie? I understand if you need a break but when you can let us know you are just doing that…taking a break? A day without a Lexie post is an incomplete day. Karen xx
I’m sorry to say that Lexie wrote to me and cancelled her membership to the Sisterhood.
We will all miss her.
Here is a small portion of what she wrote, I will post it here and in a separate post so that everyone knows that she has decided to leave.
JoAnn,
I’m sorry, but speaking about boundaries, this isn’t for me. Thank you for everything that you’ve done for me.
However, my time has come to say good-bye.
Please cancel my recurring membership and say good-bye to everyone, for me.
I don’t want anyone to try to convince me to stay or maybe they’ll be happy to see me go.
I’m sure that some will be.
I cannot sit here and listen to women go on and on about men who are so phenomenally ill and obviously unrecoverable.
I wish you nothing but the best and I will always be eternally grateful for the opportunity to express myself and to learn so, so much and to grow. And I will certainly always be here as your friend, if you like, but right now, I need to go.
I’m becoming ever more bitter and angry…and that is not who I want to be.
Please be well.
Love,
Laurel
I am so sorry she left, I can understand her pain (well, not having a son that age, maybe I should say I can imagine it) and not wanting to be triggered by other’s stories. But I can’t imagine she will find a more supportive group to share with while she processes this. Sending her love, whereever she goes.
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