- This topic has 17 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 2 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
ive kinda posted about this but i would really like to know. my partner in the past has raped me. it was not violent at all but even when i told him no i did not want to he would. i freeze up when that happens i do not fight i just freeze.
another time he came into my room saying he wanted to rape me yet he was different he never got hard he just kept trying to kiss me witch is very odd as when he does act out he does not kiss. also with this time he took all the bras and underwear he felt i didnt look good in and hid them. not the ones he thought i looked good in he left.
since hes been gone when talking he tells me i need to leave to please leave because he does not want to hurt me. he said he keep having thoughts of raping me and he does not want to do it.now the really weird part i stood behind him so he could not see me, and he was able to talk openly with no thoughts at all. he said he has not been acting out up until he had sex with me a few weeks ago,i didnt want to but he did anyway. he said since then he can not stop the thoughts. he said he tried the porn to see if it would change it he says it has not that is way he left when i gave him the option to give me his email of leave. what the hell is all this about. its as if his addiction has become me. i know since day one a lot of his acting out revolved around me. thats how i see it now. he informed me today that he made a appointment at the VA in va who knows i told him if this is true i need some sort of proof. he wants to be admitted i said if he is tell them to notify me.Katt, I don’t have any experience with this, but it gives me chills to hear him say he’s afraid of hurting you. The fact that he realizes it is a plus I guess, but he also seems to realize the power it holds over him. I know how smart you are, so I probably don’t have to tell you, but at this time, your safety comes first and foremost. Please don’t let him come home until he is admitted/evaluated somewhere. It sounds like you are taking care of yourself. Please keep us posted.
Love you and miss you!
Juliekatt,
All addictions escalate whether it is chemical, alcohol or sex. I’m just going to be blunt and say this because I don’t even begin to know how to say it tactfully. Rape is part of the escalation for some sex addicts. It sounds to me like he has escalated to needing that high and you’re “safe.” You haven’t reported him thus far for rape and I am sure he is convinced you never will. Honestly… I believe raping you is simply a step on the road to raping others. He’s dipping his toes in the water with a “safe” victim.
I don’t want to say anything upsetting and I don’t want to call your H a rapist but you’ve already said he is. Men don’t wake up one day and decide to rape a stranger. They have plenty of behaviors escalating to it beforehand.
I couldn’t agree more with Julie. Your safety comes first, And honestly, I don’t think you’re safe. Take care of yourself.
Hugs, Kim
hes not coming home. i told him the other day that hes given me nothing in three weeks he said i know but i haven t raped you i told him i would put him in jail this time, i made copies of all his stuff. he said he didnt blame me i really didnt make copies of anything. i get the safe thing but im more leaning its like thats his intimacy with me. he once told me he never kissed before me. the first time he did he was more shocked then me. im not so sure its a power thing with him. but he is not coming home with out some big time back up into his issues. he knows hes doing it he talks about it. i know he realizes how much hes hurt me but he has not felt it.
thanks ladiesHi Katt,
I agree with ZG and Kim. You are smart for having him out. If he thinks of raping you he could be thinking of raping others like Kim said. And remember, he had those pictures of your daughter in his lunchbox. Is it her house he’s working on? I think he’s potentially dangerous. Rape is a serious and violent crime. Thinking of you!
Love, NapThe best thing that could happen is he gets admitted. Does he have vet. benefits?
Katt, to me, it sounds like this is crossing over to scary. Do you think you should have a talk with the police in your area? I know – cringe- but, you may have to defend yourself one day soon, and they would have a record of why. The only thing they would do is talk to him. It may freak him out enough to really get help.
nap no its other daughter, i dont think this has anything to do with anyone else. he is very adamant when question him. this has to do with me. same as in the past. he talked to his rn coach about once and she seemed to agree with me.
heidi he was in the navy for 13 years, golf vet. i have no idea if or what benefits he has.
i could never talk to anyone in the fishbowl. im ok i really am not fearful of him. i think he does want help on some level. not sure he has any idea how to get it. time will tellheavy heavy sigh katt. I hope he gets the help he needs.
Did he see bad stuff in the gulf? maybe he has ptsd.
I would think he would be able to get mental health benefits either way.And katt, it’s not ok for him to want to, or to rape you. What would you tell your kids if they had someone say that to them?
Call the cops if he gets out of hand. fish bowl or not, they are there to help you.
be safe katt
Heidiheidi yes he saw bad stuff but it was here in the usa. he was one of the ships that helped with flight 800 pulling up the bodieand parts. . i also know he helped at a romanian orphanage that was bad for him also. we have one cop part time and hes one of the good old boys. home grown………….
Katt,
Your partner sounds in need of serious help and I hope he will get it. The fact he tells you to ” get away before I hurt you “
is a big red flag and warning sign. He’s got some very serious issues and really needs professional help. I know you say you are not afraid however, I’m afraid for you. Please have a plan in place. Love you!!!Nap
Katt – I agree with NAP. Even though you may not be afraid of him and have not seen this kind of behavior in the past, do not overlook. He may just be showing that manipulative side, but just like a suicide threat-even though you may know it is a manipulative endeavor, always consider the possibility it could happen.
Except for Steve. HA! He pulled the suicide card not too long ago, and I just told him to be sure and make sure I am well taken care of before he does it. No more threats. The counselor said, “Good, you played it right.” Of course he diagnosed him with BPD.nap yes a 9mil, just kidding he is not worth the trouble though i do live in wv. i bought 2 new no trespassing signs. i should hang them
OMG…I’ve found myself frantically responding to this and I had to stop. Where is Lexie????
Has he acted out… in his life… in any way… with anyone but you? Porn? too frequent masterbating? Strip Clubs? Chat rooms? etc.etc. If he says no, I think he’s a liar. If he says yes, his addiction is not “about” you. You are simply his victim.
Someone said he had a photo of your daughter? That certainly wasn’t about you. Did he confess to the photo or did you find it?
What a damn good lie. It’s you that makes him this way. He’s so head over heels and obsessed about you that he acts this way. What an awesome way to cover up your actions… by telling the person you are hurting that it’s a compliment! Sex addiction isn’t about anyone but the sex addict. If you believe this is about you, then it’s not sex addiction. It actually sounds worse.
I am soooo sorry I am coming off so harsh. I really am sincerely scared for you. It’s fueling me to be deperate in my words. I feel like you are telling us that you are in danger but you are not reading your own words. I want to shake you and tell you to read what YOU’VE written without listening to what HE says.
Rape has NOTHING to do with intimacy. Not even a teeny tiny bit. Not EVER. With ANYONE. That you consider that as an option was even scarier to read. What if raping your daughter is “his way” of showing her how much he loves her?
PLEASE go talk to someone. Not his therapist. Your own. The police. A hotline. Somebody other than him.
Warm hugs and prayers,Sharron,
I’m with you on the suicide thing. If my H ever threatened it, I’d tell him to wait until I see if there is a suicide clause in his life insurance.People who threaten suicide are almost always manipulators. People who want to commit suicide don’t threaten… they simply do it.
Sometimes, Kim, but I have seen many patient’s talk about suicide for weeks while in the depths of depression. When they start to come out of the depression and have the energy to do it – that is when it happens.
I do agree with you that most talk of suicide is manipulative, especially borderlines. But, you just can’t takie the chance. I just know Steve, and he is a manipulator and a borderline.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.