- This topic has 36 replies, 13 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 12 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
joann thank you i so needed this today. i was starting to think that something was wrong with me because i could not get this out of my mind. i to felt so much of what you wrote. my perceptions of sex were really fucked up and at times still are. with him it was the first time i was free sexually but not just the sex it was the inside feeling the me part. when we met i had very little if any self confidence. even before being a couple i was changing during the friendship. did you ever hear the song BECAUSE YOU LOVED ME. that was one song that i could have written. so when i found out it was all fake it has done a number on me. he gave me wings only to shoot me dead. i went from my father to my first husband they were the same men in many ways my personal self was never part of it. so i never allowed myself to matter, the councilor i was seeing said i was groomed in many ways to accept what most people would not. that i was never allowed to form any sort of self-value. but when i met my partner and had a friendship with a man i let my guard down i let myself open to things i should have had all my life. like trust, faith in a man who didnt want me for sex who just wanted me for who i was. since finding out about his sa shit my who life seems to have gone full circle.
thank you again joann for opening up your life for me and others do you know how many times you have saved someone. for me many times over
much love kattJust read your post JoAnn, and thank you. It was so inspiring, as usual.
I think the part that hit home for me the most was the part about the toll it takes on our health. I am having neck pain and ha’s daily (partially from the injury of falling down the steps last June) and sure my problem is exacerbated by stress. Also, nausa, dizziness, and abdominal pain. Time for all of that to be over. When it comes down to Steve or me – I am the surviver and will not allow this to continue. Maybe this is just a wake up call for me.
I love you for your compassion and caring. I intend to go out dancing and have a great time.
Thank youGoing out tonight too sharron!! Can’t wait to go out dancing with friends…trying to decide what to wear. A dress or jeans and a cute top…and or course heals!!!
Hello,
I’m writing a post I never thought I’d write here, so bear with me while I process what’s happened.You may remember that I asked my husband to leave because of his erratic behaviour then subsequently discovered the extent of his SA in September 2010. Over the last year have moved towards divorce – somewhat reluctantly and somewhat pushed by continuing behaviour. In October 2010 I found Jesus or Jesus found me – whichever but I now have a spiritual life I never had before.
I’ve also managed to come off anti-depressants, live independently in a house I half own but has a whacking great mortgage on that I’ll probably be dead before I pay off, got a job or two that i love and that provide me with enough for my children and I.
I celebrated my 40th birthday on friday.
WIth my husband.
We met in the bar where we had our first blind date, sat in the same seat and had the same bottle of wine. We went out to an expensive restaurant that I had chosen and ate some of our favourite foods.
He had booked me a room in a beautiful hotel and we went back and made love. Proper, close, intimate, gentle and romantic. He was there. I know he was there – I could see him and feel him and we giggled and laughed and played. And it was wonderful.I never thought I would be able to get the pictures out of my head and the hurt out of my heart but I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed and have let time heal me. I am still beautiful. I know I am. I am still desirable. I know I am. I am a princess and deserve to be treated as such. And I have told my husband what I expect and what that looks like.
I’ve also told him how much he hurt me and explained in ways I know he understands. And he is working his butt off to show me that. I also know his past and that he used sex as a means of escaping his own Post-traumatic-stress from being a fire officer who was engaged to a young female fighter who was killed in a fire – industrial accident. His father was also a fire officer and a bit of a bastard who was a fantastic father figure to young men but not his own son. I know that to be true and I see him making progress through EMDR therapy.
We are separated. We may still divorce. I still dont know if we can be together, but I know categorically that the only way this has been possible is that I have forgiven myself for ever allowing this to happen to me. I have forgiven him because in doing so I set myself free. I choose not to live in the past because it nearly killed me.
I know that I have a lot of luxury in my position and that I am truly blessed by having had somewhere to go and having always worked. I know that I am lucky that my husband has always been a great provider and whatever else he will continue to do so to the best of his ability.
Is this all too good to be true? Possibly. Am I being duped? Possibly but it did feel more real and more intimate than any other time in our life together.
I also feel that it may be possible to move forward together, but not yet. We have got to restart the whole thing with a new understanding and new definition of our marriage if we do it. We have both got to be honest about everything and if we do manage to get together then we may even have to go about marriage preparation courses etc before we do. I dont know. Its all a bit wierd!
In the meantime, I believe I have experienced a very rare but beautiful thing. Whether or not it is repeatable or sustainable is open to debate, but it was a bloody good start.
BTW – we managed the same level of intimacy a few times over the weekend – so you never know!
Dear Jos, I am celebrating your birthday with you, and I am hoping and praying that all of your birthday wishes come true! Love, Liza
Hey Jos Happy b-day. You sound really good. Glad to hear things are going, and you have a good head on your shoulders. Time will tell, and as you said you are living in the now. New you, new him, new relationship. Given the chance couples can start over, if willing to do the work.
Glad for you.
Love,
FloraDear Jo,
Thank you for sharing your lovely experience with us. Im glad your birthday was a happy one and wish you more joyful times like that, with or without your husband.
Much love to you!Dearest Jos,
We will be here for you—rejoicing and supporting and embracing and sorrowing—whatever you need. Follow your path. That’s all any of us can do.
much love,
Diane.
ps. somehow I missed the birthday boat! Belated blessings–and how lucky are we that you were born!Dear Jos,
Happy Birthday! Hope your 40th year is wonderful. I am a cynic as you know BUT since Jesus found you I will leave you in his capable hands. 😉 Love Karen
Karen, I don’t see you as a cynic – you know your truth. Yours was a brutally hard shit of a truth and in your shoes I would be saying doing and believing exactly as you do.
I don’t know if this is real or a fantasy or what – yet. My experience is that it may or may not be. My experience is also that Jesus is a whole lot more reliable, consistent and loving than my husband has been and so I place my hopes in Jesus rather than my husband. If this brief encounter with the man i love proves to be a transient hallucination of a true meaningful relationship, Jesus and I will pick up the pieces and get the heck out of there. Make no bones about it. I am a beautiful, smart, sexy, sassy woman who takes no shit anymore. If my husband meets me on that level and addresses his issues and demonstrates his love we have a hope. If not – I’m out.
Karen, I really appreciate the love you show for all us sisters and I know that none of us want any of us to experience any more pain and hurt. Maybe just maybe my husband has it in him to be the flying pig that we’re not sure exists. I’m a long way from believing he his. If I’m gambling my future on it or playing for money or the truly safe bet… Give me Jesus!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.