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I think I sort of get it. Your ( talking to Meg) son is angry because he believed that his dad and you were hiding the Bi sexual or gay part. It seems he has a belief that you both might have been ashamed of it and that makes him feel bad and left thinking if he had known about dad then maybe he would have had a better confidante…??
I may be missing the whole point but it makes sense from his standpoint. I believe that if he sees it was NOT the sexual orientation part that it was the cheating , lying part then he might feel better….
My best shot at patio psychiatrist. 🙂
i’ve told my friends and some of my family. each time i told someone, it was a very calculated decision, something that i thought about for quite a while before telling them.
the questions i asked myself were – will they be a source of support? can they help keep me and my son safe? can i trust them? are they open minded? how much should i tell them?
i have not regretted telling a single person.
DW told two colleagues without thinking first, and i regret that very much. he was ‘holding court’ with them. they are not close friends. he embarrassed me, and he hasn’t talked to them about it since! but… one of them ended up being a support for me, so i guess it was only half bad.. the other one, it’s slightly awkward when i see him, but ok.
i wouldn’t take back anything i did, or anyone i told. they key for me is to think very carefully for a long time first.
i was also very selective about telling DW who i told. he doesn’t need to know if they know. that’s my business. and i only tell people who will not hurt him or my family.
hey, i really meant this!!
‘i wouldn’t take back anything i did’
talk about mid-post epiphany! i mean that, for the first time, about EVERYTHING in the last 23 years with DW.
i wouldn’t take back a THING i did. i did NOTHING wrong.
feels good to think that!
Bev – you are right that is my son’s perspective that his father, we, could have helped him more by being honesty about his father’s sexuality. I was never ashamed of it but by not insisting that he face who he was, especially when our son came out, I have been a target because of the stand I take on so many things. I tried everything to get H to a therapist way before I had any idea that he was in as deep as he was because I believed he was depressed, controlled by his religion and his family, and I was miserable as a result. But like you – when my children were young I knew that a divorce would have been uglier than everything else I put up with. I challenged H to talk to both of our sons about his sexuality and he refused – I shoulda, woulda, coulda, doesn’t work for me. I am trying to get it right now, whatever that means, by living my principles and accepting the cost of that and it seems to be pretty priceless….
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