Sisterhood of Support?

JoAnn ~ enjoy your vacation and the fall colors. I drove through northern Wi last week and it was amazing! You need to recharge your battery before winter comes, so soak it up!
We all should get outside this week ~ the snow is right around the corner! It already snowed by katt!
hugs
Heidi

Okay now I’m cross.
and yes, I know how TERRRIBLE it is for women to be angry!!!!! It’s just SOOOOO negative!!!!

I’m pissed because the SA who set himself up on the internet isn’t man enough to answer for himself!!
Once again, he is victim. Why didn’t HE deal with the correspondence that was offensive to him? He created a platform for himself on the internet. Why didn’t he use it? Why does he allow his wife to run in front waving her banner, when the message is addressed to HIM? Did he honestly expect that everyone was going to write nice little friendly emails to the local friendly sex addict? Was there honestly NO forethought about possible backlash? OR was it just understood that if anything bad happened to the poor little recovering “must be protected” SA, that “wifey” would run with it? I”m sick of this shit!!!!

Isn’t this another example of a wife over-managing so that the SA doesn’t have to deal with the consequences? HOnestly, people, he SET HIMSELF UP ON THE INTERNET TO TAKE COMMENTS FROM THE WORLD. Instead we have to look after his wife, and it becomes really hard to do that, as much as I would like to support and encourage her, because he’s out front with his little booboo that he set himself up to get, and acting all so shocked because it turns out there’s angry women out there! DUhhhhh?

These SA’s make me crazy. And once again, they win.

diane ~ you are absolutely right!

Regarding the accusation that we did not deal with this conflict on the retreat. We are adults, not middle school children. We gave money and time to be together. How could we resolve a conflict which many had NO IDEA about, and with only one party? Is that my place. I tried to NOT discuss anything and comment because I DID NOT KNOW THE ISSUES AT ALL and ELLA WAS NOT THERE TO MAKE IT A FAIR SITUATION…better than talk behind people’s back, I thought I was treating people the way I wanted to be treated. Would you like a group of 9 women to talk behind your back? I stayed out of it, because I was clueless, as well as a lot of women. I heard someone say they did not agree with Lex at one point, and I felt sad for the conflict, but how could I resolve something I did not know about. It seems inappropriate to spend the evenings looking up Ella’s posts and Lexie’s and going on the h’s blog and trying to read, understand and make a judgment about someone else’s problem. I THOUGHT WE WERE BEING MATURE NOT TO TALK BEHIND ELLA’S BACK. I think it would be middle-schoolish to make this the focus of our retreat. I am still clueless about these isssues. I have not read any of Ellas, Lexie’s or the h’s stuff. I am clueless and should I go back and research this stuff? Why should I judge anyone? I am just trying to understand my super loving husband who betrayed me for 20 years…I can barely cope with my situation. My son and I will never have a good relationship, based on my h’s way of handling this…though I hope I am wrong. I have lost my son and husband in ways…it is killing me. I am exhausted from the trip, still have much to unload, just started my new school year in the inner city teaching, my daughter is waiting for me to made a salad to see if we like a special one for my son’s shower I helping give in about 1 1/2 weeks, but I am too tired to get the salad ingredients after work, and my period starts any minute, all while my h called me at work and asked if I wanted the divorce or not.

I thought I was protecting Ella by NOT talking behind her back. We only had one side represented. What if we disagreed with Lex and we had a divided retreat. This is all too gossippy for me. I do not want to talk about people behind their backs, unless it is good. Again, I am clueless about all the Ella/Lex/H stuff. I did not read one post except the one I came back too.

Also, regarding the zen stuff at the retreat. I lit a candle based on a tradition I experienced. I previously worked for a residential treatment center for abused and neglected boys. When the boys were released from the program we had a special service which allowed the person with the candle to speak encouraging things about the person. I was just trying to make our sharing time special.

heartbroken, b. trayed

B.,

Yes, this is all very upsetting and if I had even one inkling that it would end up on here, and like this, I would never have sent that post. But, yes, I was angry and incensed and I still feel that it was my right to state the obvious and to call out a con when I see one. But, I did not do so, on here and I did not involve Ella. I was not even going to respond to her email where she requested that I give her and her husband an apology in person. I live in NY. They live in Texas. In person, means IN PERSON– right? Am I missing something? Really. I can take it.

But besides that, I’m even more angry, because there is so much hurt HERE, where it is neither warranted or deserved and that upsets me hugely.

B… you are such an amazing woman. I was mesmerized by your beauty inside and out, from the moment you walked into the room carrying a bouquet of beautiful balloons.

Re: your son. He is still very, very young. He’s confused right now. Please, please, please trust that you will find your way back to each other. Of this I have no doubt. It can be no other way. In fact, I am positive that your relationship will be stronger and closer than it ever was before! It may not happen today, or next week, but it WILL happen, so please stay in your faith, which BTW, I think is so beautiful, because it is REAL; you are beautiful.

As I said, I want to put this icky behind us. I truly hope that no one leaves on account of this. Even the thought of it makes me heartsick.

Diane, I love you. You get it; you get it all! We’re women; if we show NO emotion, we’re cold; if we show our emotions, we are unstable; if we show anger, we’re dead in the water.

I don’t expect everyone to agree with me or even to like me. But, I had a right to express my views on that blog and that it was brought over here was unconscionable. So, thank you too— Silver, for calling a spade a spade. That is why we all love you too!

Well… back to work…

Love,

L

Thank you for your encouragement Lex. I really appreciate the support right now. Much love, B.

katt…oh goody…i was nervous…thanks…love ya…b…

B, I just wanted to add that you made our sharing time beautiful and special. Even the “prep” time was fun…going to the store with you and Katt, smelling candles to get the “right” scent, picking out balloons and a bright yellow plant. You are a dear soul. I can’t imagine this weekend without you. From the moment I saw you lurking with the video camera in the parking lot (LOL!), I knew we would be friends for a long time to come. And that feeling continued with each lady at the retreat. It also makes me want to meet all of these other sisters in person RIGHT NOW (lol!!)
With love,
Julie

well

Boy did I miss a lot. While I am glad the drama is over with E being gone–I think it probably served as a good learning lesson for us. No theraputic promotionals from members unless really vetted, and no male SA counslers, por favor. Lexie — I love your posts, and I even agreed with much of what was on the E’s blog– LOL true on many items, angry or not. My only quip is on the accountability end, SOS did play a part the way I see it. E joined us as a sister, and one of our other members posted things to her husband that would make any wife upset. We have to take responsibility for that–that’s all. No major crimes, no 3 bell alarms, just an honest but angry post on his blog. The relationship with E started here. And it’s ok if it played out the way it did. But if someone goes on the attack on a spouse I think it would be abnormal not to expect a defense from their other half. E reacted. That’s all. I think it would be hard not to. We can’t pour acid and expect flowers in return, is all I am saying.
Lexie– you know I love you, truly. I don’t even think what you said on the blog was out of line, just saying to not expect a reaction from the wife is probably not so reasonable, in my humble opinion, even if it was meant for the husband alone–married couples just doesn’t work that way most of the time. Just one of those things. Just my 2 cents, not trying dredge up drama. But I am glad she is deactivated.

Any how– glad our community is back and safe again. We can keep this thread dead if you like!! keep it over and done, just wanted to post cause I missed it. Thanks All.