this is too difficult

Lexie,

Trying to absorb all this and reply. Just wanted to let you know I’m here, on your side.

Dear Lex,
I’ve been thinking of you and trying to say just the right things…I’m not always good at that, I know my words don’t always convey what I really mean. So let me just start out by saying Honey, you are grieving.

Mourning the loss of something you’ve held dear, i.e., your love for this man, your dreams of the life you thought you could have, and so on, and it takes a long time! Give yourself time. Let the grief wash over you knowing that it won’t last forever. When you feel the loneliness and despair, recognize it for just what it is. It won’t kill you, even though you feel like you are dying, you won’t. It is a hard process, but you must endure this pain in order to heal and come out on the next side whole again. I don’t mean to sound clinical or cold, but Lex it is something you must go through, I would worry about you if you didn’t feel it.

You are just what everyone else here is telling you. A loving, vibrant, exciting, beautiful woman. I’m trying to find a good analogy…perhaps your dancing? You struggle, make a lot of wrong moves, bruise muscles, develop blisters and calluses. You hurt and you cry. And then one day you put on the costume, step out on the stage and lose yourself to the music and the choreography and just dance! You embrace all of the pain and fear and just dance. Your audience (those who love you, and those who don’t even know you)rise to their feet, and you find flowers at your feet and in your arms, and you smile. You think of all the hard work and tears leading up to that moment and then see yourself with a new clarity…strong and beautiful, and accomplished.

While you should be working on your new life plans, and the next steps you have to take, don’t think for one minute you can accomplish that in just a few weeks, or months. Give yourself a break from all those swirling thoughts now and then. Learn to love yourself, carve out a niche for a little tranquility wherever & whenever you can. It takes time, and it comes slowly and gently.

I can always hear the pain in what you write and wish I could be there with a hug and a box of tissues. I’m so sorry you hurt. I’m in the audience as one of those who love you, and I’m waiting to toss you roses.
Much love, Lindy

Oh yeah.
letting go is a real bugger and taking the next step into the new “normal” is terrifying.
the one day, we just don’t want to cry so much anymore, we just want to see if there’s something else there for us, we don’t want to hurt all the time, we begin to accept what is gone. Inch by inch it happens for some of us.
Lexie, one day, a great stillness in your soul will be there. And you will begin to trust it more than the scrying truths you are sending out into the universe. A little more each day.

Your pain is real. It’s just not the only thing that’s real.
loving you day by day,
D.

Lexie, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, but I can relate. I can offer you love and light and and can also say with confidence that you can do this and come out a better person in the end, even though it feels hopeless right now.