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ok whats your take on this. last night my partner stopped over i think he wanted to ask a question. after talking for a few minutes he asks i dont get why you say your life is fake. how everything has been a lie. he went on to say when he was, is with me its only me. i told him thats not true. i went on to say maybe when he starts out its me it is but then its all about him. the moment he starts acting out i could be anyone. it has nothing to do with me. since we have been together i always felt believed that it was WHO i was my heart, soul, me as who i am. when i found out about his sa it all changed it was WHAT i am, now you acted out with me now i know i was nothing more then your porn, whores all of it. like you said your self all of that shit you did meant nothing. so now tell me where do i fit into that. i asked him so what do you think i should think about the last 7 years. the look on his face like it clicked in. he told me he had to go……..
Interesting, they always have to go……………..zzzzzzz.
I think this avoidance on their part gets really old. We can tell them things until we are blue in the face then they avoid. I think I would be so sick of it by now I’d puke. They either get it or they don’t. They either realize they need help or they don’t. They either do the hard work or they don’t. Sorry Katt, I have no patience left for these guys anymore. He needs to quit running away when things get too close to home. This is just my opinion, cate about you alot!!!
Love, NapYou’re married. He is supposed to be with you and only you 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. Just sounds like he is trying to down play what he’s done.
And what does he mean? When he’s with the whores, it means nothing, but when he’s WITH you (at that moment) then its YOU and ONLY you?? Well, I hope so dude since there is nobody else in the room. Ugh. Or maybe he meant no fantasizing about someone else…but STILL. Like Kim said- it should have only been YOU all along! Sigh….
yes i know ladies he came back over and started to explain himself today. he says that he couldnt understand how i saw it as all a lie. when what he believed was real to him. he went on the tell me he sees why i feel the way i do, the truth be told yes i am right. being in a relationship can not be part time. he still insists that sexually when he was with me he was not acting out with anyone else on his mind but me. it was your body and only yours. for him i became a pair boobs i guess. asked at that point where is the rest of me. i know for him thats it. he has told me in the past during those times when he has been honest that end all for him is not whole sex act most of his acting out never involved masturbating it had to do with watching and touching breasts he didnt really like to be touched. he left to go back to the other house. he said hes got a long road ahead of him. wtf
nap you are so right my thinking too…..
kim not so sure its down playing as much as he really doest see it. so often hes like a 6 year old that look of total confusion
silver i agree funny the night he did it he came home and said he hanged his mind. from what he told me about that time is i didnt kiss them or put my dick in them. is it the truth who knows. i know he spent 500 that night and sure as hell got what he wantedI just know that my H loves the “clueless cars.” And he seems every bit sincere in his cluelessness as he does when he lies.
I can’t accept that my H had nothing else on his mind when he was having sex with me. It took him a long time to admit it but he did. It seemed illogical to have thousands of pornographic images in your brain and have them not pop up during the act of sex. My H also falls into the textbook claim that addicts aren’t being intimate when they are having sex. It’s just sex.
He also eventually admitted that he did view it as just sex even though he’d be all lovey and proclaiming his love during the act. Not to be crude but as the addiction progressed I became just a pussy in bed. Although I do think it took a LOT for him to admit that, at least he did. It makes me feel like shit but if he keeps lying to me and himself about this, it’ll never change.
I pushed for his confession on that issue because I was 100% positive it was true. And my reasoning for believing it was because he’s a sex addict. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the idea that a sex addict wouldn’t do that.
kim i know there is so much more to all this. i have felt for a long time that i was just a part of his addiction. i really believe that i have asked him over and over its a good possibility this whole relationship was just escalation of it too. so that leaves the question where is,was the love. talk about a one sided relationship.
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