Who are we?

Hi Sunny,

I’m still a wife…and mother, daughter, sister, employee, boss, friend, traveler, dreamer, and I love God, the ocean, the high desert, the mountains, and great wine!

Glad you brought this up because it is important to gain or regain a sense of who you are aside from this crisis that invaded your…everything. The co-addict model
makes it more difficult because you are made to feel that you are an integral part of HIS sickness and that becomes your identity. I found myself isolating from family and friends who know what happened and spending time with new friends who only knew me as me, not his unfortunate wife. It enabled me to have conversations and experiences unrelated to this crisis and enjoy life for a bit. My husband felt really threatened by my new social circle but he said he totally understood why I wanted to escape.

I am a mother of one boy age 28. Divorced his Dad in 1988. My son is now married and expecting my first grandchild in June! I am 52 years old, married my SA in 2006, we started dating in 2002. I worked all my life from the age of 16 and never made alot of money but always had enough to afford decent housing and cars. I was a Bookkeeper by trade and in the past also held other clerical positions. My SA allowed me to quit my job in 2005 as he was able to support us on his income and my job was miserable. That is now a decision I regret BIG TIME. After I quit I online schooled myself and got my accounting degree (because I always wanted it but does me no good now). In Mar. of 2009 we bought this house on 5 acres, a dream home for both of us. Life was going to be perfect as we go into retirement. We got a horse, two miniature donkeys, four barn kitties that came to us, we had two dogs and now we have three. I’m in heaven because I’ve always loved animals and wanted to start a shelter one day for unwanted animals. Then in Aug. 2010 my world shattered when I discovered my SA’s secret life. Now, I have no life. Outside of my animals, who have become my best friends in the whole wide world, I still feel very lost in my own skin. SA is doing well in recovery. He is abiding by all my wishes as far as going to meetings, a therapist, a psychiatrist, and respecting my boundaries. I should be happy about all that , and I am, but somehow I’ve lost myself. We are still living in the same house although sleeping in seperate rooms. I have no idea when we will sleep in the same bed together, when we will have sex again, or when I will feel comfortable enough to say “I love you” again. All I know is that tomorrow will come and as long as I wake up, hopefully there’s a plan for me. Just wish I knew what it was.

I am a 52 year old woman, I have 4 kids. My oldest daughter is 24 and moved to Los Angeles after graduating from college, works for a start up company that puts in and maintains above ground vegetable gardens. Her degree is creative writing, poetry and international studies. She’s my rebel, now that she is an adult, channeling that for good:) My 22 year old son is a senior in college and has been accepted to medical school for next year. He’s my workaholic, always had to remind him that rest and relaxation are good for the soul. My 19 year old son is a freshman at the same college that his siblings went to, has loved his first year. He is pre-med.He is my musician, writes and records his own songs. My youngest daughter is 17, a junior in high school…spent years dreading being the only kid left at home, but adapted better than any of us thought she would:) Woke up Sunday morning and the car she drives was wrapped in saran wrap and a cute, clever prom invitation was found inside. I love that my children are all friends with each other and maintain close contact enjoy spending time together. I had that relationship with my siblings, still do…and it’s so great that I always wanted to raise my children to have that. I keep in touch with each of my three brothers and my sister at least 2 or three times a week. I am a family practice physician, haven’t had my own practice for a long time, (too chaotic to raise my own children and have a husband with very irregular hours, too) but do local locum tenems ( ie; if a doctor is on maternity leave or something, fill in while she’s gone or if they need extra help at the urgent care because of vacations, etc) and find things to do around where I live. My 83 year old Dad has Parkinson’s and used to live either with my brother in the neighboring state or with me, traded off. Since last summer, the Parkinson’s dementia has gotten worse and he is in a nursing home 2 minutes away from my house. I go every morning with coffee and the paper and every evening to feed him supper…..it’s hard to see him deteriorating, but every day I am grateful for the time that I can spend with him. I have a 7 year old chocolate lab named Sophie, treat her like the baby of the family. I run several times a week, when I want to and as much or as little as I want to. I have a friend I usually run with, and there is no friend like a running buddy friend…she’s great:) I do genealogy for fun….. I like solving the puzzles. I was raised Catholic, have a Jewish husband and children. I converted to Reform Judaism 4 years ago,I’m not religious, but it’s a religion that fits me( I told the rabbi I had lots of doubts and he said that was okay, they had a place for me:)… was surprised after I did how important that was to my children. I like to tinker in my yard, moving perennials here and there, etc. I like to hike, rock climb, travel. It has been almost three years since d-day #1 and I feel like I have worked really hard to get myself back again, and I’m here now in my own life and I’m happy with it. Every woman on this site means so much to me…… thank you:)

Hi! Just found this thread and thought I’d add in my “Who I Am.” And, I’m sure there are others who might like to tell a little bit about themselves too!

I’m Paula, 42, mother of the smartest, most beautiful and engaging 9 year old I’ve ever known. I’m also a daughter, a friend, an aunt, and a sister. Yes, for the time being I am also a wife. But in name only…. and only for the time it takes me to get enough money to leave. 🙂

Before my daughter was born, I explored my love of history and literature and ended up with a masters degree in Parks, Recreation, and Tourism Management. What the heck does someone do with that degree? Not much that makes lots of money, I’ll tell you! But I found a great (read: fun and interesting) job as the director of a local history museum and had so much fun doing that job. But when my dd was young and had many minor illnesses, I was forced to leave that job as it entailed much evening and weekend work and the time I was taking off to care for my child was greatly resented by my supervisor (who was a childless, unsympathetic witch). I started my own business with the help of a friend selling promotional products. You know, the pens, coozies, shirts, etc, with your business’ name on them. Of course, with this economy, I found that hard to maintain and began looking for ways to supplement that income.

I started couponing and found that not only did it save my family a lot of money, but I was able to help out our local food banks and shelters too. I thought I would start a couponing/deal blog and teach others how to save money and make donations too, but soon realized that traveling to teach couponing classes would be too hard with being the primary caregiver for my child. Again, lots of nights and weekends needed.

So, I’m reinventing myself again. I love traveling, I have always been adventurous and willing to try new things, and I have an intense curiousity about so many things. I like to know how things work, how connections are made, and am fascinated by the vastness of our world.

My newest incarnation is as a blogger, where I share fun sites that I’ve discovered, interesting travel ideas (and hopefully will include some places my daughter and I will travel to in the future), reviews of products we’ve tried and books we’ve read, and great deals I’ve found. I just started this in February and was going great guns for a few months. Summer was hard because I wanted to spend more time with my dd than my computer. And then in August was my DDay and Hell Month. Actually, most of September, too, was disastrous. But, I’m back on the bloggy wagon and am working to revamp the original plan that was to get a few freebies tossed my way, including some free travel… and to get my feet wet in the blogging world. Now, the plan has to be amped up to include making real, self-supporting money. And I am up to the challenge!!

So glad I have found this website. I still spend more time poking around, trying to find out where things are and feeling like a lurker instead of a participant, but I guess maybe most people do. It seems kind of like barging into a cocktail party full of people who’ve known each other a very long time… and you just moved to the block and don’t know anyone very well. Not that I haven’t felt welcomed and accepted, but just that I personally feel awkward and not sure of myself. I know, that should pass. 🙂

Thanks for being here. It’s good to not be facing this alone.

Paula

Hi Paula. I have to agree with you on poking around and feeling like the new kid on the block. I’m working on getting around this site and finding the help and support that we all need. Checking out resources etc.. I dont know where to read everyone’s stories yet. I feel computer illiterate lol thanks for sharing

Thanks, B. I’m glad to be here! And I probably should have added long-winded to my description, but I’m betting you already figured that one out!! 🙂