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And Wow Diane. You have good insight. I’m pretty sure all the women on here only deal with porn addiction or their men cheating with other women. Thats what I would call the “Normal stuff.” I’m pretty sure that no one knows what to say to me bc its so “Out there.” Sometimes I wish it was as simple as just a sex addict but his is a sexual fetish addiction and there’s not much help out there for that.
I never thought of the fact that he actually never and I do mean never honored our marriage vows. To love, honor, respect. I guess I dont fully understand what you mean about a God that just spits law at you. I’m confused. Are you trying to tell me not to believe in God?Nap, yes, this is what he does and I have asked him to stop for 24 years. He has always lied, said he was done with it and then I would catch him stealing someone elses from their hampers or something if we went to a friends house or anyones housw where a woman lives. This last time he had said he was cured and then I caught him using my daughters things and sneaking. He would get up in the middle of the night. Yes, as far as I know this is his only problem and he can’t control it. Now he thinks if I just let him have whatever he wants and wear it anytime he wants, everything will be great! I bet. Thanks Nap I can’t stand it either. I’ve caught him fully dressed before and I hate it! He looks like a friggin perverted freak!
What unusual activity would we be looking for and why? Was the site compromised to where someone may be able to get our payment info? My chat isn’t working. Sorry
Dear b
I think we are in the same boat with our children. Only one of mine knows and she’s 30 years old. The only reason I told her was because she hated me so much for hurting her step Dad. I wanted her to see my side of things. It didn’t work. She claims she understands but that she will always love her dad and I agree with that but she still thinks he’s mister wonderful and asks him for anything and everything and he jumps. As for the boys that we have together, I”ve never told them anything. I just didn’t want to shatter the image of their father in their eyes but he’s not available to them. They always just tell me “You know how Dad is” when they need something and I suggest calling Dad. That will take 10 years for him to get done, they say. So, I do it for them. I call him. I dont want to get side tracked about what the problem is with your children but I think we all make our choices on who we tell and why we tell them. For me, I guess I chose to suffer in silence. Someday maybe I’ll tell my boys, they are old enough (20 and 23) but until I decide to do so I’m going to believe that we do what we have to do to survive. If telling your children didn’t help, I feel for you. It didn’t break their hearts, just yours. I told my closest Aunt that there was a problem but I never disclosed what it was. This was many years ago. I just remember saying “I dont think our marriage is going to make it.” She replied with “Keep trying honey and always remember to cover the bad with the good.” Those words stuck with me for the last 20 years and so thats what I did. I covered for him when it came to our children. I took the blame as being the bad guy. This is where I come to the question “Is there a right or wrong way?” I dont know. One of mine knows and it doesn’t matter to her so why would it matter to the other two. I guess they have their own lives and my problems are not at he top of their agenda right now. I’ll probably take it to the grave with me instead of telling the boys. I just wouldn’t know how to even start to talk to them about this. I guess I’m believing that what happens in the dark always come to the light eventually. I found out that way. Maybe they will as well. I think as your children grow they will understand more and more. Wait until one of them is married lol Lets pray that none of them find out the hard way. Keep pushing through!!!
I dont know a definition of recovery. I guess it would be when they stop acting out, stop lying, stop living in a fantasy world, stop being the drama queen oh how they love the drama. Stop being so fake in front of other people. What a joke. They can make everyone else love them and think they’re so wonderful but Lord what they do to us and what they do in the dark, behind closed doors. FAKE ASS UNSTABLE, SELFISH, SELF-CENTERED, PLEASURE SEEKING (and only their pleasure) I’m not yelling at anyone lol just yelling in my mind. SELF ABSORBED, EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE……I guess it could go on and on. When they take some responsibility for their own actions and call a doctor to see if they have a personality disorder instead of asking you to do it for them. I refuse. If you want help, you get it. Its your problem, own it, fix it or dont but stop using us as your doormats because we’re “good women, not sluts.”
I sure can’t hold your attention over dinner at a restaurant but those so called “sluts” can. UGH I want out of this!!!!!! Lord, plz deliver me from the stronghold this man has on me! In your name Jesus, I’m not begging but I’m asking You to show mw HOW. How do I get away from this man of 25 years? Reveal your plan for my life Lord. Go before me and make my crooked paths straight. Straighten the path for all the women that are suffering from the abuse of these men. Set them free Lord. AmenThat really sums it all up and thank you for directing me to the right place to post my feelings. You seem to have had the stength to pull this all together in a positive way that works for you. I’ve yet to find that but I’m so happy that someone else has. I think your words “compromising our core” is what really made me think. I dont have fancy words to explain how I feel. Lord, I went to college for Early Childhood Education lol I talk to kids so thinking about compromising my core was not a way I would have put it but it makes so much sense to me. Thanks for the guidance in the right direction about posting my ugly feelings. I really dont have a potty mouth. I’m a christian woman who’s angry and hurt and confused and depleted of energy. A woman who can’t keep her thoughts straight, stay on task right now and feel good about myself in anyway shape or form.
JoAnn, I hope I get to a place where you are. It sounds comfortable and I’ll accept comfort over this any old day.
JanI can’t afford that right now with the consideration of going home and leaving this man. I really wondered if she was the “E” everyone spoke of when I first joined. I dont think AA charges for support groups do they? Yes, they’re all recovered arent they! Thanks for posting back Lexi.
Wonderful. Is that the Ella in Houston? I live in Spring, Tx and I contacted her for help. She said her classes were full but she could work with me individually. I was wondering why it was $50.00 a week for a support group. Damn, can anyone be trusted bc I’m feeling really shitty now and dont know where to turn. If I’m only thinking of myself, its bc I live with an SA that only thinks about himself. Sorry hurtheart, I’m right in there with you right now and I dont know where to turn.
I’m so scared to tell anyone because I confronted my h years ago and said it was over. I had to take our children to their pediatrician at the time and I discussed it with him bc he had also been my pediatrician through my life. The good ole doc suggested to me to tell my h to talk to his mother about this since my husband said this has been going on since he was 4 or 5 years old. Well, my h did and that night, my mother in law hung herself. No one will ever know what she did to my husband if anything but something was very wrong that she felt she needed to take her life over it. I’m so careful bc i dont want my h to do the same. I dont even know if I”m telling this in the right place and I still can’t find everyone elses stories UGH I appreciate everyone bearing with me as I learn to get around this site and again I can’t say how much I needed this! So, I guess the first person I told was my childrens pediatrician and it killed someone else. Sounds horrible when I go back to it. Its been 14 years now.
Thank you. I was wondering where everyone’s stories were. I need to find that because it helps to hear others that are going through the same thing. Groups and stories, I’m off to look for that!
Hi Paula. I have to agree with you on poking around and feeling like the new kid on the block. I’m working on getting around this site and finding the help and support that we all need. Checking out resources etc.. I dont know where to read everyone’s stories yet. I feel computer illiterate lol thanks for sharing
No, I didn’t have time to waste anymore lol I’ve wasted too many years now. Diane, I want to thank you for responding so quickly to my plea for help. You were there immediately and it was just what I needed. I’ve never had this kind of support and after all these years I feel like a boulder is off my shoulders, at least for the moment. Thank you Joann for welcoming me as well.
I’m here bc I’ve been searching for help and support and other women like all of you. Women that really can see both sides of it. The love that you feel for the SA and the awful hate that you feel at the same time. For me, I know its done. He wont get help. For everyone else that stays, I will pray and pray bc our God is mighty and powerful but I do believe that sometimes we have to love people from a distance. God does His part but the SA has to do his to. I believe all can, some won’t. Only speaking of mine and not anyone else’s. Thanks for letting me vent and Oh a sister that has panic attacks as well? SS I’ve been there for years
Thank you all so much for being supportive. I’ve never experienced this support, wisdom and knowledge before from anyone. One day at a time for me. getting the online counseling or going to our church and planning the way to leave and make it on my own. Gods Blessings to all of you!
Thanks Diane for responding. Yes, it is the daughters things he took that he is very close to. She’s now 29 years old and no man in her life. I think I might be really stupid. She despises her biological father bc he tells her like it is and always would try to discipline her.
I dont think I can go to a counselor but I can call the church and see if one of the samaritian counselors could talk to me. I think I’ve always stayed for the kids and now its the grandkids. I want to leave but I dont have the means to support myself enough. Thank you so much for reading and posting. I’m still trying to figure this website out. I will take your advice and call.
