Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
ms-lindy~ I am so happy for you in spite of all your minor mishaps this weekend. In time you all will look back and only remember the fond and wonderful memories of the wedding and time spent together. {{hugs}} Jac
Lexie
I am so glad you are feeling that you are finally turning the corner. I know you will soon see and feel the happiness you so richly deserve.I have heard and felt your pain in every post you write. Your posts have giving me so much insight to this horrible mess we find ourselves in. That I can not express in words my gratitude towards you, for your posts has giving me such an understanding of this sick disease. THANK YOU!!!!!!
{{{hugs}}}
JacBecause they are ass holes and they don’t care who they hurt in the process. Its only about them and them only.
Oh Nap I really feel your pain and sadness as I too didn’t know the man I married for 20 years. I believe in my heart that things will look up for us. At times we will feel very sad or angry with our situation but I have to believe it will turn around and we will only be a better person for this.
What is real is YOU!!!!!!
{{hugs}}
Jacoh ZG I am so sorry to hear that your jewelry is missing, I too know how this feels. My youngest son took most of my jewelry and sold it for his drug addiction. grrr Its very upsetting, you feel so vulnerable and violated.
Ok I just checked to see if my ring was still there, after I read every ones post (even though I haven’t worn it in over 2 months I still want to be the one that makes the decision what is to become of that ring) phew it was there….. SAH came over to get some of his stuff today while I was at work (yes I preferred it this way) and after reading all the posts I had a panic attack thinking OMG he wouldn’t dare, boy he was lucky I was ready to kick some SAH ass.
I hope you will find that you just misplaced it and your ring will show up.
{{{hugs}}}
JacWelcome Lynng, hope you will find this group of sisters as comforting and supportive as I have. Please feel free to post a question as they come up. {{hugs}} Jac
Separated what does that really mean? I told him that I wanted him OUT of our home and he went to his parents. Yes they coddle him, give him money and dont ask questions.
But legally we are married, nothing has even been filed, we are not even legally separated. Not sure where I stand on this fence.
Haven’t wore my wedding ring in almost 2 months, still have the flippin indentations of wearing that ring for the last 20 years.
Wow, WM I am truly sorry for all the pain you are enduring right now. I am going to have to second what Lexie said, and btw Lex very nicely said.
I believe you are in the right place, and hopefully you will find some comfort from us.
{{hugs}}
JacEveryone of you have the same thoughts and questions that are going through my mind. Right now we have a civil relationship, and yes kids are involved one is in a residential facility and the 18yo other took off to live with his friend a week ago. Kids are involved but right now none at home. 🙁
When I got the job I was so excited that he was the first person I started to call. Then I slammed on the brakes and screamed WTF! He made his choice, so now he will have to live with it. I had a difficult decision to make not to put sah down as my emergency contact. Thats when I think it hit me, that I am moving on. WOW. Terrifying and exciting. Dont get me wrong I still love him, and I am extremely sad and angry about the death of my marriage to him.
Did he lose his right not to know what I do?
{{hugs}}
JacWelcome WM glad you found us, but sad that you had to find us. This site has a wealth of information and insight.
{{hugs}}Welcome WM glad you found us, but sad that you had to find us. This site has a wealth of information and insight.
{{hugs}}Hi Kim,
Glad you found us and sorry why you had to find us. I ditto what Karen says read read read…..Like you I am new here since the beginning of October, on the referral of my therapist. This site has helped me really see what I am in for, and I am so thankful to every one of my sisters on this site. {{hugs}}
I hope you find this site as helpful as I have.
Jac aka dazed and confused
Hi Mary,
I am so glad you found this group, but terribly sorry that you had to find us.Like you I am new to this group less than a month since joining. My d-day was the beginning of September, and like you my emotions were all over the place and my fingers hurt from all the searching I did on the internet. My h promised me all the same things I was the only one blah, blah, blah and I also wanted to make our marriage work (married for 20 years) and for 5 weeks I thought we were, he had his therapist, I had mine and then we had a marriage counselor, but all the while he was still out doing his thing.
This addiction is a real eye opener at least for me. Please NEVER think of yourself as a co-addict because you are NOT! Yes, I even wanted to help my husband overcome this addiction because I loved him, what woman wouldn’t want to help the man that they love? But that does not make you a co-addict.
Please do one thing get your own therapist!!!!!!!!!!
Best of luck Mary, {{{hugs}}}
Jac aka Dazed and Confused…….ZG,
This is fantastic news! This is the first step to your new independence. I wish you the best of luck!
{{{hugs}}}
Jac (Dazed)Hi Lindy,
BTW Excellent question! I am new to this whole SA illness crap and I may not have as much input or experience on the topics discussed here. But I wanted to share with you my feeling on this one.
All I can say is I was like you I needed to know everything before I thought I could move forward. Before his disclosure I believed we could work at his SA and move forward together. When we had our talk (yea right full disclosure no polygraph) I can not stop thinking about all the lies he told and things he did throughout our (sham) marriage. I feel worse now then before knowing, and I don’t think I could ever forgive him and now I am not willing to make our marriage work.
Like Lexie said once it out of the bag you can not shove it back in if its too much to handle.
Really think about how important is it to you to know everything. You can not change the past what was done was done, but you sure can change the future. You are willing to make it work knowing what you know now, does it really matter what he did in the past? What’s really important is what he is doing now and in the future.
{{{hugs}}}Jac aka Dazed
L- Hearing you loud and clear, and I thought my non existence sex life was long at almost 2 years. (btw thanks for the chuckles)
We have to have laughter ok maybe just a chuckle every once in a while when we are going through such hell.
Again thanks for your posts they really do help. Just trying to keep what little sanity I have left…
xoxo
JacLexie – I totally get it! Maybe in time I will pity her as no female should have to go though what we are or have gone though. But she is went in their relationship knowing that he is a sex addict.
My biggest fear is that I have contracted some sort of STD so I have an appt with my GYN. Are you really sure it was your predator and not SAH or both that gave you HPV? Just saying. xoxo
SL – I can not wait until I get the place where so many sisters are now. I am working with my therapist for ME and taking a day at a time. I know I will get to the place where this will be just a bad nightmare that I finally woke up from. xoxo
Lexie
I am not very computer savvy would not know the first thing about obtaining an IP address. and what good would it do me to have it?CL gave him an old phone of hers so I couldn’t see how many time they talk to each other. She is just feeding the fire giving him the tools he needs so he can continue to live his SA double life and lies lies lies.
Sorry Lexie I can not feel sorry for CL, she knowing came into my home and slept with my SAH in MY bed. WTF! What type of woman would do that to another woman? Right now I say they deserve each other!
Sorry still pretty raw and bitter. Jac XOXO
Wow thank you all for the kind and encouraging words. As I am reading some of the responses in the forum I feel a calm and not the anxiousness I have been feeling. I am taking i hours at a time, with some good hours and some not so good. I hope to learn more as I am try to find my way around this website.
Thank you Joann, for this opportunity to find help and support.
I am not sure where to begin…
Maybe first a little about me, I am a stay at home mom of 2 boys (16 & 18) both boys were adopted. I been married for 20years anniversary 10/12/11. I have had a very rough last three years, lost my dad unexpected in 11/2008, had to put my oldest son in a residential treatment facility 1/2009 (behavioral issues), my sister in-law (husbands oldest sister) passed away at 52yo unexpected in 8/2009, my father in-law was dx with kidney cancer (kidney removed) in 9/2010, had to put my youngest son also in residential treatment facility 3/2011 (drugs and alcohol), and found out my husband had an affair in 8/2011 and found that he is admitting that he is a sex addict in 10/2011.
We are separated, have not filed for divorce for financial reasons. My emotions are all over the place. I am currently seeing a therapist who referred me to this website.
I feel so ashamed, embarrassed, angry, hurt, betrayed and all the other emotions I cant think of right now. Where do I go from here?
Thanks, dazed-and-confused